Communication problems - peer support forum

My boyfriend broke up with me via text as he said is it very frustrating that I don’t speak a lot. He felt he spoke 95% of the time and I don’t try.
I tried and he can’t wait for ever for me to get to his speed.
And I called him after those text, and ask him if we could try. And he did not want to hear that and asked me, why am I like this. And I finally explained I had went through a traumatic experience for me. I was question over 2 days about an issue, and now I’m always defensive or nervous to say things. We were together a year, and he keeps saying I had a year to tell him about it, however I just was scared, like I tried but like it wouldn’t come out. And when I told him, he was like I don’t even trust you even more now. He feels that he scared personal stuff with me and I never talk about my past. And he feels hurt and betrayed by that. I have apologized and acknowledged his feelings and know where I went wrong or could of speak. And after explaining my traumatic experience, it’s just like it doesn’t matter, he can’t be together with me. He only see me as a friend now. He doesn’t even want to try and work things out. It’s just like no no no. And it’s frustrating because I want to.. and trying all the time. And he text and calls everyday and ask if I good. And because I can’t push it under the rug like him, and I tell him how I really feel about the situation, it’s like you need to get on with it because it is your fault. And I just feel like we should try

I have been with my gf for 6 months. I used to be a serial dating app person and on instagram liming girls photos commenting and I brought that habit over to our relationship and got caught, this caused trust issues and has only gotten worse since. I have constantly been deciteful and dishonest about my friend talking to me who’s a girl because I thought she would get jealous and deep down I know it’s because I didn’t want to cut my friend off.

However I was caught in my lies multiple times no matter how small and even deleted messages from that said friend, I have looked sketchy and lied about so much and broken so much trust after she has forgiven me multiple times. I have been emotionally immature and learnt so much on how to truly treat someone with love but at the expense of breaking her heart a lot. All I want is to truly show her how much she means to me and that I am so in love with her. I need help and guidance on myself and how to fix this trust issue that seems not to be able to be mended

Me and my partner always say the same thing: please start to see it from my side of the story. Like this, we do not hear each other. We always want to be right and we always wait for the other to come first.

This pattern was recently made visible to us by our relationship counselor. That made me think. In the heat of the moment I do not change yet. But I feel that sometimes even before the fight starts, I change my thinking pattern. I look at it as a small step in the right direction.

My husband does so much for me and our children but we very rarely have any meaningful discussions or intimacy.

A lot of the time it feels like we love seperate lives and both engage more with our work than each other.

I feel lonely, bored and frustrated.

My boyfriend and me are together since 7 years now, we love each other very much, but we have a fight every week.

He can respond on things that happen or things I say in a way that is difficult for me to deal with. I am startled, close off or start crying...

Last weekend I ran away from his place, because in my eyes he was losing control. He cannot handle it when I run away or warn him that I will do that and I cannot handle his outbursts.

My boyfriend says that he is just like that, he just can react a bit strange sometimes. That I should not take that personal. How do I learn to deal with that? How can I manage to not take his angry outbursts personal?

Last week he smashed a plate to the kitchen wall with the result that the tiles on the wall broke. He says I made him do that. I hate that and I would like to change that, I told him but he doesn't have any confidence anymore that I will change...

It is difficult for me to say "no" in a relationship. I always have the tendency to "please", don't want to hurt, or want to protect. This causes a lot of stress for me in relationships.

It is difficult for my partner to talk and express his feelings.

I have to keep on asking him about his feelings, as if I have to pull it out of him. Sometimes that is hard.

I shared something before on this website when I had a hard time. Now I'd like to share something positive. Actually the opposite of communication problems... communication solutions!

Yesterday night I noticed I was quickly annoyed by my partner. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Normally I keep on trying, and in the end I still push him away. but this time I did something else.

As agreed with my therapist I went to bed early to keep some distance and I thought about what was really happening and how I could express that in a positive way to him when he would come up. Luckily it took a while, because I needed time for that. But when he came up, I was able to express with the lights off what I would want. And he responded very well to that.

Today I feel very proud about that! Proud about us. We did not get into trouble yesterday, but came closer together. I will enjoy going to my therapist again next week!

We postponed it a long time, but eventually started relationship therapy. Was a good decision, we really moved on.

To start to see that anger can make sense, but often doesn't help you get what you want. Rather the opposite. It's much more effective to talk about what you do want then what you don't want.

We listen better to each other again. Really take the time to talk, during a walk or something like that. Now there is hope again for a good future together!

Somebody who doesn't talk about his feelings so much, often doesn't feel completely "safe". Scared to make fun of himself or scared to drown when he starts to feel and share.

Can help to comfort somebody: it is anyhow OK what you say. It was not so easy for me in the past either. but I discovered that I feel more calm when I share my things. Good luck!

We thought that there was not so much wrong in our relationship. We never had a fight. Still we were not really happy anymore.

The first appointment with the relationship counsellor brought up that we actually do not really communicate with each other. We never talked about how our day had been, about what we experienced and especially never about our relationship.

So the first assignment was a challenge: Eat together at the table. Talk about our day. No more dinner in front of the TV. The first week was really uncomfortable. Almost felt like we were playing theater. But it starts to become more normal now.

How hard it is to really communicate in a relationship we do not learn that. We wrap our relationship up and expect it to stand for the next 40 years with maybe some difficult periods.

Very refreshing that the relationship therapist showed us that we are actually doing quite fine. But also brought us back to the reality, to have less expectations towards each other.

The difference between men and women is often underestimated. Very good and helpful that the relationship therapist made that clear to us.

My wife is now able to accept me better as I am, doesn't try to change me all the time and doesn't expect things I cannot and want not live up to. This took a lot of pressure off.