Tom | Couples Counsellor

Online Couples Counselling

My name is Tom, I am a qualified couples counsellor. I welcome both couples and individuals for counselling. I offer therapy sessions via Zoom or Skype, or by phone.

I qualified as a Counsellor in 2004 and began to see individuals to try and help them with various difficulties such as depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction, self esteem and lack of confidence, I realised that for most of us how we relate to others especially those important and close to us is a common factor in how content or not we feel. It seemed sensible when a couple asked me if I would see both of them to do some more training and say yes, since then I have helped many more couples with relationship issues.     

I work with couples to help them understand what may be causing difficulties in their relationship, this is often connected to past experiences being replayed in some way. Blame seems so often to be a major factor in our isues with each other, it seems to be a very unfortunate human characteristic that as part of working out what is happening and why we also tend to try and find  whose fault it is, and we are not so keen on it being ours!

This can easily become a habit which is very hard to break, but understanding this can make a huge difference to a relationship that may well seem to be beyond saving. Of course sometimes it may be that the relationship is not working and the difference are not resolvable, but maybe it's worth exploring this to make sure. 

One thing I have found very helpful is to try and be understanding of each others faults and mistakes, for example when the other person forgets their bag in a restaurant this may be annoying if a another trip is needed, but being tolerant and forgiving will probaly make things easier, and should mean that when the situation is reversed the kindness is returned. This has the completely opposite effect than critisism and grumpiness in the first instance which is likely to be returned with interest when we transgress in a similar way, which we are very likely to do.. !  

We live abroad but needed an English speaking couples therapist to understand the nuances of our mother tongue. We absolutely lucked out in finding Tom. His honesty was exactly what we needed to diffuse our stuck point. He gave us a lot to think about and discussion topics we could work on between appointments that were not burdensome. We never once felt therapised, more a meeting of minds finding real life solutions in a safe and supportive way. Months on, our relationship is still growing and strengthening in a way that's healthy, yes we have disagreements but they're not catatonic anymore!   

We had a hippo in the house the other day! We are very grateful for that tip. All in all we're pretty good and I love how we communicate with one another and respect boundaries. Such a big difference X
 

If you would like to know more or book an appointment, please send me a message. 

Tom