Autonomy in relationship - peer support forum

I tend to adapt myself to my partner. I don't feel anymore what I would actually like or feel like, but follow the needs of my partner.

Only after being on my own for a while I notice how good it feels to do something myself and to feel and follow what I feel like.

Because my relationship was not going well, I started relationship therapy with my partner. There it became clear how depended I make myself of him. It felt like nothing of me would be left when we would break up....

In the mean time I got help and I am making myself stronger and independent, so that I am also able to live my own life in case that is needed.

I notice mainly that I find it difficult to close myself off. My partner is often very emotional. And that effects me. For example when I had a fantastic day, I come home to a partner that is angry and then my whole day is also screwed up. I would like to let that slide off me. But I can't.

Why can I not just let his emotions with him, without bothering about it? PS it is not about major things or anything, but just that he is angry because internet is not working, and that ruins my day. You understand?

Sometimes I'm going mad about everything: my husband, my children, I feel responsible for everything and I want to do everything perfect!

But when I am out for a weekend alone, then I have the feeling I am not able and I call my partner to have some contact and I would like him to come too....

I find it difficult to say "no" in relationships. I always feel the need to 'please' the other, don't want to hurt, or I want to save. That makes me feel tensed in relations.