I want a relationship - peer support forum

Now that I know what love is, I feel lonely.
I am the youngest from a big family. Everybody got married and had children and I was (am) always the sweet concerned aunt.

It was always fine for me like that. I had had a short relationship and it hurt wen we broke up. That's why I wasn't open for a relationship for a long time. I always focused on work and felt satisfied with that.

But now that's not enough anymore.

I ended up, totally unexpected, in an affair with a married man. That woke me up to love. We are not together anymore, but now that I know what love is, I feel lonely. I would like so much to have a relationship. It is like I didn't live before and now I do.

The strange thing is that my surrounding doesn't seem to expect me to still have a relationship. Sometimes I try to talk about the feeling of missing, but it is not understood. They see me as the 'ever-alone', I guess. I cannot share my sadness anywhere.

I live alone since years. Actually I have lived alone my whole life, that's how it feels. My relationships were always short. Now I am 30 and I never had a long relationship or lived together.

Fortunately I have a group of friends who all have the same. I can share a lot with them. Some of them tell me I am too picky. Others say I am not picky enough. I don't know anymore. I don't know why I don't have a relationship. I would like to have an answer to that.

I am looking for a relationship for a long time now, but I don't find one. I am reading a fantastic book now. It is written by Mali Apple and Joe Dunn and it's called: "The Soulmate Experience". They write great things in it.

For example about letting go of your beliefs: I am too big, I am too skinny, all nice men already have partner. I will read it completely and when I found a nice guy I will write it here :-)

I don't have a relationship, but I would like to have one. Sometimes I fantasize who it will be to have a partner and it feels so nice.

Maybe I idealize it as well. Still I would like to have somebody to share my love with.