She says she now sees it was a mistake

Just over 8 weeks ago I found out that my girlfriend of 20 years was cheating on me with someone close to our family unit. The affair was ongoing right up until the night of discovery.

On the night of discovery I asked 3 times if there was someone else and each time I was promised there wasn’t, until I asked her to swear on my life and the she admitted she had been seeing our sons, friends dad. She told me how she would see him for a couple of hours each night for the past 7 weeks. She also took some time out of her working day to go to his house to sleep with him. (she swears that she only slept with him once, but I don’t see why that would be the case)

She said if I wanted her to she would text him and tell him its over. I wanted her to tell him that he was a mistake and it was over, but she didn’t. Instead she sent something a lot softer by saying it went too far and we should cut all contact. He returned the text saying it didn’t go too far because they both wanted it. She then blocked his number on what’s app and removed the chatting apps she used such as snapchat etc. He did try calling her which she was honest about and admitted.

A few days later we had been trying to work through everything and she admitted she was confused and she loved him. She had told me that they had said they told each within the affair. How is that possible after 7 weeks seeing each other for a couple of hours a night even with the day time texting is it possible? But anyway…..

She now tells me that she doesn’t love him, she doesn’t have any feelings for him and she doesn’t want to be with him. But how can that possibly be the case as that’s not what she was saying 2 months ago. The worst part is that I always see him driving around our town and when my girlfriend goes to take our son out will she see him also dropping off his son?

I can’t seem to start to even try and move past the hurt the deceit. How do I move on and how do I move past it.

She now says she loves me and she only wants us and our children. She says she now sees it was a mistake and if she could turn back time she would. I don’t know if I can believe her… She knows she has messed up our family but how can someone just turn off their feelings. If that’s the case and she does still having feelings for him it would mean that she is lying to me every day.

I don’t know how to start to try and trust or even believe what she is telling me as maybe she is being honest and maybe she doesn’t have feelings for him, maybe she doesn’t want him and maybe she doesn’t miss him. But I doubt it