Adultary, affair, cheating, infidelity - peer support forum

I recently found out that my husband is having contact with a colleague via whatsapp. It's not only about work, but clearly sexual and exciting messages.

I never look in his phone, but I started to feel suspicious, because he is often in his study in the evenings. I thought he was working, but when I came in, he was quickly putting his phone aside.

A few days later I decided to check his phone and he deleted everything, but there were some messages from this woman. When I confronted him with that, he said it didn't mean anything because it were only some whatsapp messages, a kind of play. To me it felt more like cheating.

What should I do with this?

Been married nearly 3 yrs caught pregnant on honeymoon, last year was the worst ur ever I found out he had an affair seen escorts n recently a so called "friend"
I'm aware now hes a serial cheat with the escorts and god knows who else.
He values n respects others (his friends) b4 my n our children but I now they're poisonous vindictive n doing everything possible to get me out of the picture. Theyve humiliated me intimidated me threatened me spoke vile words about me including I'd be better of dead - and he stood by them doing this to me, it's like hes in a jail with them n theyve a hold on him so he does what they say, they're right I'm wrong etc....
I took him bk after the affair (and escort) n he remained in contact with this person sneakily changing her name in his phone - taking me out to try n resolve things declaring love for me but yet on the phone to her I asked who's he speaking to, to get attacked n later o to continue to talk to her hearing it's you I wanna be with not her!
It's like hes got traits of a narcissist (I have 100% proof of his doings, what his been up to, and his friends treatment towards me)
Then very recently he told me my "friend" jumped on him kisding & him doing sexual contact to her. I was horrified..
He never tells me the whole truth story changes constantly about the affair, hes blamed his friend for the escort using his phone but the escort described him to the T to me when I called her! And now with my "friend" happily telling me every bit of detail - she denied it to again very very recently told a relative he put it on her!
I honestly cant win I've served him more than well in marriage gave him everything even b4 during n after all the vile things hes done to me and neglecting his family.
I regrettably for revenge kissed another person after the my friend scenario, I was utterly ashamed of myself coz that's not me not in my person I came clean n asked for forgiveness I was full of remorse n guilt.... I was informed by him being a slag. I've been blamed for the things I know of it's my fault etc
No one likes to be confronted but he wont talk it through he just storms off!
I actually feel he justifying his actions doings and choices of ppl, no remorse no guilt no proper apology nothing to even rectify anything.
So here's where I'm at : I asked him to get rid of his poisonous ppl (every one of them n their family members) and I feel these encouraged him to have the affair (I know no one put a gun to his head) he promised me n swore on his children he'd do so by xmas n I would try my hardest to not bring up the past of his doings- again another lie n false hope on me...
So I continue to throw at him his cheating ways.
Then today I get a horrible message that he will be no longer working with these friends I hope your happy you got what you want... I dont k ow maybe I was wrong for asking this, but these ppl are dragging him down a dark path drink drugs debt included. But I felt if they was out of the way then we could concentrate on our family unit and help him reducing his drink n drug use to hopefully eventually not them, doing drugs mainly. 13 years I've been with him and have literally had 6 dates - hes been out more with his friends partners than he has me! And I find that so disrespectful to be told it's my friends partner.....
Hes n his friends has made me have severe anxiety and depression even attempting to taking my own life as his n his friends talk of I'd be better of dead n kids be better off without me talk got into my head n being told that continually I started to stupidly believe it.
I'm literally at a cross roads, dont know which way to turn I dont believe in divorce i believe you should work things out and not give up on eachother n marriage vows.
Then if a friend told me this was her I'd tell to run for the hills.

Hello, I am located in the U.S. and have had an impossible time finding similar forums where I live, so I’m hoping an international perspective might help.

I have been married for almost 10 years. My wife and I generally get along and we have a child. We both work hard to provide and rarely have time for each other. I have brought this up multiple times in multiple ways and my wife just seems to think things will work itself out. I feel ignored and abandoned. We have also barely had sex because of family responsibilities.


I have cheated online with numerous people, though never physically met. The desire is strong but I know leaving my wife means a complete disintegration of my family and the trauma that will be inflicted on my child. I have desperately tried to communicate needs to my wife, but she seems unwilling and rather dense when it comes to initiative. What can be done?

I stupidly had an affair 5 and a half years ago that lasted a month. It devastated my wife but we got through it and are still together today. However she still is asking questions and I'm giving the same answers. It feels like she is taking 3 steps forward and two steps back. Regularly she tells me that she is in love with me...never wants to lose me again...also that she's done beating me about it constantly. Then within a day or two she goes back to asking questions and threatening me with divorce again. I regret what I did beyond anything ever in my life and if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I love my wife like crazy and am never going to hurt her again for literally any reason ever again. But after 5 and a half years, the still constant barrage of questions is sending me deeper and deeper into an already deep depression. I know I sound selfish but I cannot talk to her about this without her exploding. She tells me to be honest but as soon as she hears an answer she doesn't like she explodes. She's refused any kind of therapy to help and refuses to try any of the things I've suggested. I'm at my wits end and can feel my mental health spiralling. Again I know she's hurting and I truly am there for her every time. But I just feel I have no one there for me. And yes that sounds selfish as I did this to myself. But 5 and a half years and still I feel like day one sometimes with the constant questions. I'm crazy in love with her and I am spiralling in depression. I hide it all the time from her. And the times I've mentioned it she calls me selfish and berates me more. I get literally hours worth of texts while at work which makes me lose my focus and I know it's affecting my work. I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel embarrassed asking for advice but here I am. So I've recently been in a relationship with my partner of about 4 months we live together and she's an introvert Ie goes to work then comes home. We met by chance not via social media of any dating sites which is really nice. However my partner likes to communicate with male co workers via social media quite often somtimes infront of me which really helped me as my last relationship really damaged any chance of building trust with someone again. However one guy who frequently she would message via messenger I became suspicious due to the constant messages it happened most days id come home from work and her phone would go off and she would say something like ohh I wonder who that could be and of course it was this particular guy. After a few weeks I tried to have a calm conversation regarding this guy and asked who he was and how well they knew each other and she told me i had nothing to worry about she's knows him from her freind ship circle and he's a manager at another branch she works for she's only met him twice via work so with that response i said if you don't really know him that well then is there really a need to talk to him everyday ? She said I have nothing to worry about and I can trust her she even said that me getting funny about the situation reminded me off her ex and she got emotional which made me feel really bad. So a few more weeks have passed and of course the messages continued and I finally put my foot down and asked what was going on between you two I said to her if I was to read the conversations would I find anything I wouldn't like she's said probably and starting crying she ammited that before i met her that she and this guy where taking sexually via txt but insisted they had never met in person the worst part is this guy is in a long term relationship and my parenter said she knew that when she and him where sexting eachother which makes me think I cannot trust or believe anything she says. I packed all my stuff and said I couldn't trust her and I wanted to leave and she begged me to stay and she said I could read there conversations she insisted she hasn't cheated so I read the conversations between them there was some Minor flirting and some things that he said to her which really didn't sit well with me he sent a giff what said your my girl or something or another and she didn't even question him why he would say that another thing she said multiple times to him was I'm loyal with a 😉 emoji which implies she's not. She has since told me she will not talk to him as much enless it's work related because they have to communicate to an extent for work purposes. The he worst part is she is due to be transferred to the branch where this guy will become her manager. Another thing to add is about 2 months after being with her she had this 2 week thing where she did alot of over time and of course when she did this overtime she wouldn't contact me until it was over but in her normal working hours she had no issues replying to my txts. The thing is when we are together everything is great we are happy but after this I really don't know how to feel I'm just looking for an outside perspective on the whole thing.

I am married to a man who is totally enmeshed with his Mum. She is a narcissist. I have been married for 40 years. I am always second best to her. He always puts her first. He spends every Saturday with her. I dread weekends, always thinking when the kids left home we would have a life together. Sadly, not to be. I feel extremely resentful and depressed. All of my friends have moved away. We do not even have a shopping centre for me to go at weekends and I live in a town! I am aiming to start drinking & have asked the universe to die. I feel invisible.

I have been living together for some years now. My boyfriend is very happy with me and our relationship. I love him very much and see our future together. I think he's fantastic. He is also always there for me.

But we only have sex once a week. In the beginning this was much more. For him this is completely fine, but I long for more.

After talking with him about this, I was read to accept our sexlife the way it was. But the thought of being with another man became more and more interesting. And it became more and more difficult to reject the attention I got from other men.

I am against cheating, but still it has happened. I cheated and had sex with somebody else. The flirting, the tension and the foreplay felt very nice. But the sex itself felt wrong.

Now I am very angry with myself that I did this. How could I have cheated on him...

No I wonder if I should tell him. He told me once that he doesn't want to know when I would cheat. He would be devastated. But I also deserve the consequence for my action.

I hope there are people that recognize themselves in my story. That can tell me how they dealt with it....

It's really hard to explain what happened but l’ll try. I am 25 and started going out with my gf a year ago. I was someone who was used to being single for so long and doing whatever I want whenever I want. So in hindsight I think I rushed into a relationship with her (not making excuses I promise). Anyway because of that, I never felt 100% fully committed to the relationship to start out with as I was still new to it all and looking back now I was also terrified of being vulnerable. She was and still is an amazing a girl who I literally can’t fault. Never argued and genuinely the best partner someone could ask for.

(In advance, this is again not an excuse but I believe to be a contributing factor). From my teens I’ve struggled very badly with general anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Which recently graduated into a combo with depression due to being enable to live a normal life.

Anyway I am on medication that quite honestly makes me numb to feeling things quite a lot. When mixed with alcohol it has a severe toll on my mental health. The first time I cheated was with someone drunkenly at a house party. I was not deprived in any aspect of my relationship. Can’t say I even like this girl and most certainly never spoke to her again. I cannot blame my actions on alcohol but my feelings afterwards were definitely skewed due to my mental state and medication. I didn’t feel the guilt and remorse I should’ve felt immediately. Because of this I told myself that maybe my relationship wasn’t going to last anyway. Clearly just a cowardly excuse for what I had done.

On from this, the same thing happened another 4 times with different people which I know is absolutely disgusting and unforgivable. (Protected sex but getting tested regardless). And just like last time I was in denial and kept telling myself the same things. It felt like a knock on effect of self destructive behaviour that I just did not seem to be willing to accept or challenge.

This part may be hard to believe but during these infidelities, i was still finding myself falling more and more in love with my gf and her being my best friend.

In recent weeks my mental health has taking a very bad turn for other reasons. I have had a complete breakdown in all aspects and due to this the numbness and avoidance of my infidelities has worn off too.

And now here I am, at rock bottom where I feel like I deserve to be. I have decided I can no longer live the lie I have been living with my gf. She of course does not deserve any of what has happened to her. I plan to come completely clean with her, with the expectations of her never speaking to me ever again. On the other hand I am wondering whether that could be seen as a means of me just trying to clear my guilt and conscience. I am wondering whether to protect her and potentially end the relationship without admitting to the infidelities. With regards to myself I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist, psychologist and plan to start therapy for my own health but also to ensure I never do anything like this ever again.

I would just like to hear people’s takes on this?

My sisters partner cheated on her for 6 months. While she was pregnant of their first baby. For her, for him, for their surrounding a very sad and angry and difficult time.

It strikes me how hard people judge when it is about cheating. Everybody has an opinion about it.

Sometimes I don't even dare to express that I am actually not that mad, but that I hope that they come out stronger. Nobody seems to share that opinion. It's unpopular.

Still my sister seems to want to stay with her partner. It hurts me to see that she hardly gets any support from her friends. They think she's crazy. I also understand that. I also do not agree on cheating, but... well, it's complex.

Happy that I can share about this anonymously. Gives some space already!

I am not sure what is wrong with me. I've tried counseling and the last çounselor made me feel horrible about myself and honestly I was worried he might call my husband and throw me under the bus. I've been married for 24 years and for the last ten our marriage has suffered allot. I am very passionate and I love physical touch and I need attention and communication. I believe you get what you give. My husband is not attentive he's oblivious to my silent pleads of needing a friend or a hug or anything. He spends 50% of his time in his garage "doing projects" he spends 40% of his time at work and I might get the remaining 10%. I have been very vocal when I want him to know I will find attention somewhere. Not sexual I just need companionship. He doesn't seem to care. So I have cheated. I don't intend to. But I have cheated allot. I'm not trying to have an affair. I don't want someone in my head or my feelings. I just need short term companionship. But the guilt eats me up. Because I have done it too many times. It's just that hot, steamy, body shivering initial stuff I love. I absolutely have no complaints about my intimacy with my husband, we have great sex. But now a days it's about 10-15 minutes. And very straightforward. So, I wanna stop but I don't know how.

I’ve been with my partner 12 years we have 4 kids together. My partner has cheated on me multiple times during our relationship. He’s made it so I’m financially dependent on him. I feel like I have to stay in the relationship for our children, but being with him makes me feel horrible about myself. I don’t have a supportive family to help if I left the relationship. Feel completely trapped and like I’ve given the best years of my life to someone that has never really loved me.

I got married to my wife 8 months back and we got got engaged 2 years back. After 6 months into the engagement my wife confessed to me about getting raped by her grandfather when she was 11, I really felt sorry for then and have made her feel really comfortable physically and initially was very sceptical about not doing anything that might trigger that thought for her. 4 months into the marriage I got to know my wife cheated on me during our engagement by having sex with a friend twice and the sexting continued untill recently when I found out. When I asked her the reason for cheating, she told me that she did it because she always wanted to try to do it as she couldn't do it because of the rape incident, she said she had tried to do it with the same person many times in the past but couldn't really end up having sex, but did it during our engagement period. We are still a married couple and i love her a lot, but i really don't know if I should continue our relationship or end it here.

Three weeks ago I discovered my partner of 23 years had been texting a work colleague secretly. I asked for details but he refused to tell me anything except that he had finished it a week before when she had asked to meet up.
I do believe him when he says nothing physical happened.
He says it started because I no longer pay him any attention and she made him feel good.
Anyway, he told me that it was over and he no longer had her number.
We agreed to try again and we had been getting on well, talking, texting, flowers, going out etc.
But last week I discovered he still had her number in his contact list under a different name. I confronted him and he said it was because he still wasn't sure what he wanted. I made him block and delete her number while I watched, he then got very moody and managed to make me feel guilty.
He has apologised for this and said that I did the right thing and that he still loves me.
I do still love him and want to try and rebuild our relationship, but can I ever trust him again, I just can't get rid of the feeling I'm being taken for an idiot.
Any help or advice is gratefully received.

I'm sure my story is just a tiny drop in an ocean of stories, but today I can only hope for a small respite from my depression.

It's been almost five years since I caught my husband of twelve cheating on me with a woman more than a decade my junior. Why does her age matter? It just made the sting more painful as I took this as a great insult. We were very young when we married, and I am still young even by appearance, at that time anyway. Little did I know, he was on a string of infidelities and attempts at getting into other girls' pants. I only caught on because he started to have feelings for this one particular girl. He couldn't stop himself from seeing her - looking for fights and arguments just so he could storm off and "let off steam" for a night.

As I said it has been almost five years since I discovered, and he has made drastic changes for the better. An entirely changed man, to be honest. It's just this gnawing feeling that in the whole time that we have been together, he was constantly cheating on me and I have wasted many years of my life. Truly the best years of me. And why can't I leave despite my pains and disappointments? I live in a third-world country with practically no options. I can only dream of having even just a few opportunities for financial independence and a chance at renewing my confidence in myself. I literally can't afford to start over. I know I owe my children that, I have two, a boy and a girl. And I want them to see their mom fight for them as well.

So I just have a few words for the ones out there who have the opportunities to step back, take some time for themselves, and honor themselves. Especially if you are a parent, take those chances and live the life you always wanted. And even if you still don't know what that is, take the time to figure it out. You are enough, and if another partner is in the cards for you, then when you are whole they will come along at the perfect time.

I found out my boyfriend of a year, met with someone for coffee twice 8 months into the relationship. Nothing further happened than just meeting up (confirmed). he never saw anyone else after that (From what he said), but he still casually use dating apps, messaging other women ( from the conversations I read and how he described it, the convos were surface level, usually ended after the hey how are you)

nothing about this is okay, and it hurt deeply. I am just sad and upset.
there is no excuse and he hasn’t tried to give me one, all he’s been saying is that he’s sorry, and was confused at the time (for the two dates) but after realized that thats not what he wants etc etc and never saw anyone again, was a coward to not tell me and wanted to just move on from it and never bring it up again.

as for the dating apps.. after days and days of talking this is the gist on what happened; he’s never been very confident with himself, and never was the “cool guy with the girls” and before me he’s never been in a relationship and wasn’t some guy who goes out and hits on girls. So before the relationship he would just scroll through dating apps just to see like who would he match with and just give one liners but “none would go further than that”, this was before the relationship. when we were together, he said he would download once in a while do the same thing when he was bored. so my interpretation is the same way people use social media like instagram feeling good about yourself with the likes and the comments come in, people DMing complimenting you.. it’s the same thing.. except that is dating apps.. but thats what hurts about it too, that he knew he was entertaining the idea of someone else.. can’t even lie and say is just a friendly conversation.. you’re in a dating app.. she’s not trying to be your friend.

So obviously that’s no excuse, I’m pretty sure everyone who is unfaithful is insecure for whatever reason.

He’s not an evil guy. Though alot of the relationship has been tainted. we have gone through so much, I can easily say that 8 months into the relationship.. we weren’t doing the best.. but we’ve gone through alot.. and he has shown me multiple times that he wants to work through our issues.

so even now, since all this started he just wants to work things out. wants to “regain my trust”, work on never hurting me again.. because he’s so ashamed of hurting me..

and I am someone who believes in second chances.. I am willing to try and work things out.. AFTER he shows me he’s willing to work for it, on himself and puts in the effort.

The things is.. I don’t know what i’m suppose to be looking for.. we aren’t together.. so what am I suppose to be looking for? I say effort.. but what does that mean.. and I know thats something I need to figure out for myself because it’s different for everyone but I still need some kind of example or something to guide me

Two months ago I found out that my husband has had a relationship with another woman for a year. I was bewilderd, this is not his style. I thought he had lost it completely.

In therapy I found out that I am always so much focused on other people, that I completely forget my own feelings and wishes. And that I "apologized" my husband for what he had done, because 'he's not like that'.

I felt disappointed in him, but I didn't realize that I was also very angry. Only when I started to feel that, I also showed him. Strange, but that helped.

Because I did not make him smaller, but gave him the responsibility for what he had done, I started to feel my anger and stand for my boundaries. And that created respect in my husband for me and eventually even more interest.

We started relationship therapy now. I don't know where it will lead to, but I do feel a lot better already.

Maybe this will help someone. Stand up for yourself, don't put yourself and your feelings down!

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months and we’ve live together for 6 months. our relationship is great and serious, we don’t have any problems and he has also told me he wants to marry me. But he went out recently and got drunk and blackout and ended up sleeping with another girl. He only confessed me that because after 3 days of having sex I experienced discomfort in my vagina, so I confronted him and he confessed. I don’t know what to do. I want to think it was only a big mistake but also our relationship is so new and we were so good that makes me think of the future. What can I expect when we are together for years and really go through really big problems as a couple. I’m devastated.

My wife cheated with another man after 20 years of relationship, with two kids 10years and 11years olds sexe in my matrimonial home with another man for a very long periods of time till the day caught up with them , All this started when she start denied sexe with me and complaining every time I ask her.
She will bring her medical condition saying her sexual feelings has drop down and is not her fault she can't control her body every time I make love to her she feels la very painful inside , later she told me now the doctor has discovered a fibroid.
I assisted her with the money to do some natural treatment she choose because the fibroids were very small and located in her kidney area .
But every time I go to work in the morning she will bring her boyfriend in our house to stay and have, till one I started suspecting her behaviour and way talking about sexe and always happy at home when I came work stay late night and only complain when I ask us to have intimacy. So this day I decided to leave my phone at home to record what happened behind me every day suddenly on this day the boyfriend came home and everything were on audio to the phone and sexual scene I decided to confronted her to talk man to Lady conversation , I the ask her this question is anything she wants to tell me about that I am not aware of it, she said no I ask again same thing same answer, I then mentioned the name of the guy in the audio she was shocked and panicking.
Telling is not me and don't know anyone with that name in my life .
I said OK , I let it go and the seconds night and I ask her again she says that all the audio is her voice except the sexe part, she says you edited the audio that's not my voice I say I know for 25years and you know me too I know your voice you know your voice, just confess and you and I if is anything we can fixe let fixe. Same answer not me .
On third night I ask again , by saying I really want to believe what you are telling me but this audio , telling me something.
She now was completely different from her behaviour sweating and going to the toilet every second drinking water then she said go to work tomorrow we will talk, I said please let finish with problem tonight, she I am afraid of you the way you are now maybe you will do something crazy ,I reassure her that nothing will happen if she confess by telling me the truth again she look at me and said is not me and then says can you stop lieing and confess the next I know ,police were knocking our door and ask to leave the house.
Since then it been two weeks.

I just caught my wife sexting with her ex boyfriend. To me sexting is the same as cheating. This is the second time she has done it with this ex. This will be her third time that she has done it to me. This time I just happen to catch a glimpse on her phone of messages they were sending back and forth. When I looked of course the other messages were deleted. I did manage to snap photos of the messages that were there. I’m not sure what I am going to do with the relationship I forgave her before but all of the hurt is still there from before now more has been added. I asked her what she said in her messages am I wrong to want to know what was said?

I've been cheating on my husband for 14 yrs. Because I genuinely a love him, he isn't at all suspicious, never goes looking Im assiduous in managing my phone, if it wasn't sure he'd find me out. My work gives me much free time & assignations are daytime an industrial scale. I have a social secretary who's worked from home for years and helps, not knowing what they help me with.
I've reached an age where a quiet life would suit. However, menopause has not come to my rescue, as expected. "I know" I manage the so-called mind aspects, but not feeling that well up from my endocrine system. I can only describe them as heroine. Once they're in place I do anything to have sex. Fortunately, a phone call & I'm invited to soiree with lots of urbane guys. I get changed into something a lot more comfortable from a steamer trunk wardrobe I have there and it's on.
All the foregoing is probably my fault, the fact I have an exceptional figure must be down to genes. I have a body few women of my age can even dream of. At times I've suspected it's this that drives my libido. I now know it's not men fancy me, therefore I fancy men, that's post hoc ergo propter hoc. So how can I get control of my hormones, to give me a chance of a happy retirement? Gaining weight, dress badly, will cause misery. Mind is a reification, so it's not all in the mind. Help

I've been married over 20 years. After our first child was born my wife used sex as a form of control over me. She rejected 99% of my advances and only allowed it when she got something she wanted. It got worse as the years went on,when I tried to initiate sex,she would assault me in bed. I've been punched,bitten and scratched. I know it sounds disgusting and people will say I should have left years ago,but I stayed to protect my children. She is also an alcoholic with mental health issues- (I didn't know when I first met her) and grew into an emotional and physical bully. It's wasted much of my life but I'm middle aged now with no interest in sex (I think it's psychological after the rejection and being attacked when I wanted sex)- I'm glad I have no interest anymore,it means I don't get frustrated and resentful but Im also sad as I'm still fairly young and good looking. But I've made my choice.

Hey been with my partner 26 years with a 19 year old daughter and he left me last Friday for a woman who he’s been seeing for 5 months with no signs or anything no symptoms or signs he was doing this or fed up due to this I’m having to sell the family home & start a fresh as I’m unable to keep this one up I’m dead I dried literally shock no appetite cry myself to sleep I have plenty of support around me but I don’t want to listen to anyone x

Ethan,

I know I shouldn’t be writing to you right now. I should have let you go months ago. I should have lived my life with no regrets about anything that involved you and me. However, you never gave me any closure, you never apologized for what you did. Out of everything that happened, the least you could do is give me an apology. What hurts the most is knowing what you did to me and for some reason you have no remorse. Like I meant nothing to you.
I would like to believe that you loved me, I would like to believe that I meant something to you. I look back at our relationship and with what I see, I want to believe that you weren’t manipulating me to get what you want. I want to believe that your goal with me wasn’t so that you could have sex with me, basically use me for my body. But I can’t believe any of those things.

So let me tell you a story.

You saw her on Bumble and matched with her. You didn’t think that she would be as easy to grasp onto than she was. Then she invited you for pizza really late at night and holy shit you never found someone so easy. I mean, that’s all you wanted right? You just wanted to fuck her and she held the door open for you within that one invitation. Then the door slammed right in front of your face the second she told you she was waiting for marriage. So you had a choice, to drop her, who was already so easy to catch, or to make her a challenge for you. You’re not used to not getting what you want. She frustrated you, so you chose the challenge, you chose to see how long it would take in order for her to say yes to sex.
You knew that the only way to keep your grasp on her was to put a label on it. Make her you “girlfriend” it won’t take you that long to fuck her then drop her with the excuse of you didn’t want a relationship before you left for school again. Yet again, she frustrated you, by the end of the summer you still didn’t get what you wanted. So again, you’re left with a choice, drop her and lose, or keep playing. And you don’t lose, so you keep playing. Next, you are all moved into your final year of college and damn, you need to fuck someone, and bad. So, you go back to your ex. I mean, how is your “girlfriend” going to find out what you did? As long as you don’t tell Liz who she really is, then no one is going to find out.
Surprisingly, you got away with it, your “girlfriend” never even suspected what you did. So you did it again, and again, and again. It was so easy, she never even asked questions. Soon, you were fucking four different girls. They all satisfied your needs, however, you were nowhere close to completing that challenge that you gave yourself that previous summer. You enjoyed the attention she gave you, but that wasn’t the point, you had to win. Next thing you know, you’re on Facetime with her the night before your birthday.
April 25th, this relationship lasted 10 months longer than you wanted. You still hadn’t completed your goal and now you’re stuck. She has stuck onto you for months now. You had to keep your grasp on her so you told her you loved her on December 29th and unsurprisingly she told you she loved you back. Did you know that in that moment in time, it was the first time she told someone she loved someone back? Did you know that in that moment in time, she thought she believed what love really is? Back to April 25th, you know that she doesn’t suspect what you’ve been doing since August. So, you keep the facade on. She will never find out. You’re still on Facetime with her and she has been talking for hours. God she talks so much, you have no choice but to sit and pretend to listen. Then she said something that peaked your interest. The one word that you’ve been waiting for. Sex. You knew she was going to visit you in South Carolina in May. You were just going to see how it goes, but now, sex is actually in the picture. You can finally win the game that you have been playing for almost a year now. You can finally be done.
A month later she is laying in your bed. God you want to fuck her and you’re so close. Except you forgot how good of a person she is. You forgot how innocent she is. You decide to forget about what you have been doing behind her back since the beginning of your “relationship” and give full attention to her. Then the time comes and she finally says yes. You won the game, at last. However, that was her first time and it was bad. You were not satisfied at all. So you washed her up, made sure she was ok, and put her to bed.
Then you called up one of your side girls to finish the job. How would your girlfriend, who’s laying in your bed, naked, dead asleep, ever find out? You whisper to her that you are going on a drive and it won’t take long. Two hours later you arrived back and went to bed like nothing happened. The rest of the week flies by and you cannot wait until you’re free again. You dropped her off at the airport and drove off. Once she got home, you decided to pull away. You stopped telling her you love her, stopped talking to her, you decided to ignore your 1 year anniversary, then continue to ignore her for the rest of the weekend. You won your game, you don’t need her anymore. But, you can’t bring yourself to break up with her.
Liz found out who she actually is and told her what you’ve been doing for your “relationship”. Your whole life blew up in your face. You get a phone call from your “girlfriend” sobbing and that’s when it hit you. That is the moment that you realized how much pain you’ve caused. While she took the day and didn’t talk to you, you started getting hate messages. First from Lisa, fuck, now you’ve lost two people that satisfied your needs. Then you get hate messages from her best friends. Hannah attacked you, Taylor attacked you, then Izzy completely yelled at you. Finally you get a text from her sister. You have so much hatred from everyone supporting her that you just grab the bottle. You use alcohol to numb yourself from what is going on around the world. You don’t want to think about your actions anymore and decide to ignore her pleas for closure.

You won your game, but at what cost?

How does that story make you feel? As you are probably aware, the she in the story is me. Everything you did to that poor girl in that story above is what you did to me. That is my truth, and at this point, I don’t care about your truth as you had never given it to me. Here’s the thing, I am a human being. I am not a game, or a challenge, or just a place where you can put your dick in. What you did to me completely broke me. You took me and used me. In your eyes I was “A fine piece of ass” I am not an object. I am not “A bitch from Illinois” Yes, I was naive, yes I was innocent. But that does not give you an excuse to treat me as any less than a human being. You knew how big of a deal sex was for me. I wasn’t sleeping with you just to sleep with you. I slept with you because I trusted you with my whole heart. I loved you so deeply that I gave you such a big part of who I was.
How could you? How could you leave me in your bed the night you took my virginity to go sleep with another girl? Here’s the thing, when Liz told me what you had been doing behind my back, (which she had full right to do, I wonder if you realize that you hurt her too) I was broken, but not completely. I had the ability to move on and heal. And for a while I did. Besides the first week, I was able to live my life without the thought of “I wonder if you would approve of what I’m doing” I, for the first time in a year, felt completely free. But, what shot me down and I still haven’t been able to recover from, was realizing what happened that night. I asked you if my suspicions were true and received no response. You know what a lack of response does? It confirms that what I thought might have happened when you left, was actually what happened.
What you don’t know about that night was that I was awake the whole time you were gone. As you know, I have trouble falling asleep at night, especially when my mind is racing. That night my mind was racing. I had my eyes closed, but my body and my mind were completely awake, it didn’t matter how tired I was. When you told me you were going on a drive I heard it. I sat awake for the whole time you were gone and couldn’t fall back asleep until you came back. So that makes your actions of that night even worse. Instead of leaving me asleep to go fuck another girl, you left me awake, unable to sleep to go fuck another girl.
I get the sex was bad, believe me, ever since then I have slept with guys who were way better than you ever were. Let alone actually getting aftercare? I have also slept with guys since then who were way worse. But I didn’t leave them to go get something better. Unlike you, I actually respected the guy. And if you are reading this and judging me for what I did over the summer? I would stop and think about how you have no right to judge me and my actions.
You know, after June 29th, people told me to burn your stuff, they told me to go to your commander, and to go to your mom. I can still do all of that. I have all the proof of what you did. Photos and videos with time stamps from me, as well as photos and videos with time stamps from Lisa. I talked to one of my friends who is also in the military. She said that people have done it before and have gotten their exes kicked out of the military. Especially if the targeted person is accused of having such a lack of respect towards other people. So, yeah, if I choose to, I could go to your commander. That would mean no more flight school, no more Top Gun, no more Navy.
Or I can go to your mom. Tell her what kind of son she has raised. Hell, I’ve done it before, you know I have. I am not afraid to do it again. I know your mom did not like me, however, I don’t think any mother wants to know that her son cheated on his “girlfriend” with 4 other girls. As well as take his “girlfriend’s” virginity then leave her afterwards to go sleep with another girl. Your family is a military family. I’m sure that you and your brother were raised to respect others, especially women. Oh, I know you’re a “big boy” and you don’t live with your mother anymore, but every time you see her, you will know that she knows just the kind of person you are.



To your mother,
I first want to apologize for dropping all of this on you in one letter. I don’t know what he has told you but this is my truth. If he didn’t tell you or your husband that we were dating then you knew the same exact story that he told 4 other girls. If you are reading this and thinking that I am crazy, think about this.
On June 10th 2020, your son asked me to be his girlfriend at his grandparents’ house. It was raining, he was grilling hamburgers. I was laying in the middle of the yard letting the rain hit me. He thought I was crazy, what can I say, I really enjoy the rain. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the ledge right next to the door on the porch, still outside. His cousin was with us, but he was inside getting changed from just coming home from work. If I was crazy, how do I remember what happened on that day in detail?
Your son made me believe that we were dating, it did not matter if he thought differently. And for his actions, I want to apologize to you. I know you raised your kid to grow up to be good people. I don’t doubt that you and your husband are not great people. I always thought that you were respectful towards me and I really appreciate it. You were not the problem, you never were. The person that was the problem was the last person that any of us expected. And for that, I truly apologize.


To you,
This is the last time you will ever hear from me. If you decide to read this or not I don’t really give a fuck. You will never hear from me again. So take all your shit back, I wasn’t keeping it to keep it, I just never got around to sending it back, let alone never getting any of my stuff back as well. But at this point you can keep that too. All the books that I let you borrow, the bracelet that I gave you. I’m sure you’re still using the coffee mug warmer because damn, I am good at realizing the stuff that people like and giving it to them.
Here is one last thing. I have replaced everything that you have taken from me. All of my books, my necklace, my life. I even replaced you. After you, I wasn’t planning on getting into another relationship for a long time. But then I met him, unlike you he wants to spend time with me. He wants me to go to his house and meet his family, he wants me to meet his friends. He wants to come to my dorm room and see the life that I live, see who I really am outside of the cell phone. You, you never really cared. You never wanted your friends to know who I was because your friends knew me as a side hoe. You never wanted me to see the life you live because you knew that the life you were showing me, the person that you were to me, was not the person that you actually are. And you did not want me to know about it.
He has been supportive of me from the time that I quit volleyball, through the sleepless nights, through anxiety and panic attacks, through feeling like I am not good enough for him. He knows my story, he knows what you did to me. He understands that your actions were the cause of a lot of the stuff that I go through during the day now. And without him knowing it, he is building me back up from everything that you have torn down. Because of that, he is 100x the man that you will ever be.
If you somehow find someone else that was as easy to catch as I was, do not try to catch her and treat her the same way you treated me. Do not treat her as an object. Do not break her down to believe that she is worth nothing. Do not think that she is less than you. Do not put her through the same thing you put me through. It is not fair to her. If you meet someone, be honest with her about what you want. Say you want sex, if you tell a girl that is all you want, they will understand and move on. Because all in all, if you were honest with me in May of 2020, none of this would have happened.


Goodbye Ethan. And I really mean it this time. I have finally said everything that I needed to say. I don’t know if you are ever going to read this and a part of me wants you to and a part of me doesn’t. Either way, I won’t find out.

Due to a sheer fluke I discovered that my husband was speaking to someone about getting girls to come and party with him during his next business trip. I confronted him, and while he tried to explain it away a couple of times, in the end it just kind of became apparent that he wanted to go and have 'some fun.'

During a very emotional and tearful conversation I saw how regretful he was. He kept saying that me and the kids mean everything to him, but he doesn't know why he did what he did. He kept pointing out that he hadn't actually cheated. I told him, true, but you showed intent and that he needed to figure out why he did what he did so that we can establish what wrong.

I am devastated. He is the love of my life. The father of our two wonderful children. I moved halfway across the world for him, gave up a full-time career that I loved so that we could start a family. We've been together for 10 years.

My father was a serial cheater. I have grown up with seeing how heartbroken he made my mother, and then eventually his kids when we figured out what was going on. I always told myself that the minute I event felt a hint of that kind of behavior I would cut my losses. Avoid heartache and disappointed, and figure out a way to healthily co-parent any children I may have.

Of all the things that I was concerned about, him straying was not even on the list. Not this man. Not the man that I respected and admired above anyone else in the world.

But here I find myself. And I don't know what to do. He says he's never done this before. He says he doesn't know why he did it and that he feels terrible. He says me and the kids are the most important thing in his life. But how can i trust him? Is this really the first time? Is it the last time? Is this a repeat of what my mother went through?

A lot of the stories posed here talk about reconciliation. And I am so happy to hear that many of you have found a way to work through it. But it is so, so hard to have any clarity at this stage.

I guess I'm looking for advice. Some sympathy, and a forum where I can be honest.

Thank you.

For one and a half years I had an affair with a married man. His marriage was not going so well and was about to fail. I was also married myself, am mother of 3 young kids. My husband came across messages from/to my lover. He wants to give our marriage another chance, so that's what I tried.

But after a couple of weeks, the pull was too strong and I missed my lover. My marriage was not bad, but there was also no passion anymore, it just didn't work anymore. I contacted my lover again and that meant of course the end of my marriage...

he was still married, they are trying, trying relationship therapy and stuff, but I was always in between, so that it was impossible for him to get back on track with his wife. So they were also headed for divorce. I was convinced that after 1,5 years of waiting, I would finally have my happy ending. That man is the man of my dreams. We work together, he has a higher position and I look up to him. I don't want another man, I want him.

But, their divorce was cancelled and he decided to stay with his family! He wanted to try again with his wife and try to keep the family together. She knows about me and decided to deal with it and forgive him.

But I cannot let him go! He asked me to stop sending him messages, but it was stronger then me. I kept sending him sweet messages and eventually he couldn't fight it anymore and started sending back. After their family holiday, what was supposed to be their reconciliation time, I was able to seduce him to come and see me again.

And yes, I am sure he loves me, because he came to see me and we had wonderful sex like before. After that I send him emails everyday to show him how much it meant to me. But that mail was seen by his wife. She was furious and threatened to report me as a stalker to our boss!

Now my lover stopped all communication with me, besides some work related messages and I feel desperate. I hope that his wife after his last cheat, will dump him after all! I compare him with every man, I only want him and I only want to kiss him!

I'd rather spend two hours alone with him then have two weeks completely free to do what I want.... I understand him much better then his wife, we are a bit similar.... Tips anybody how to win my soulmate back?

I cheated. It happened in the heat of the moment. Now I regret it....

I work for a large company , and have recently started a more senior role. A former colleague from my previous role who is around 20 years older than me and has previously held a very high position, is very knowledgable and experienced in our field has become a real mentor to me. He helps in things I’m doing , always gives good advice and listens . I message him and we meet up every few weeks just Briefly to discuss current work issues . I really am attracted to him , he is married. When we are together he seems pleased to see me and often compliments me saying I’m doing a great job etc. he isn’t overly flirty but always agrees to meet and he also always is there for me when I need him to look over a document or give advice . What is going on here , and is it likely he knows I feel something ?

When we meet we are quite flirty , We text a time to meet and then he finds us an empty room so we can talk in private. I feel it more then rather than through his messages which tend to be quite to the point and work related. he is trying to help me with work issues and mentor me , but he does ask about my home life and says my partner is lucky to have me. I guess I am wondering that he must realise on some level I have a crush , so why isn’t he suggesting I get help elsewhere ? He says things like where he will be at what time and that he is happy to discuss things etc, for example first thing on Monday he has said he will be in at 8ish … I am going to try and stay away and perhaps just blank him now as this is just too hard.


I have asked him multiple times if he is fed up of helping with the massive work issues I am facing , he always says no pleasure to help - happy to support etc . He also sometimes jokes about things in a sexist kind of way and says that the issues at work are because too many women are working together - we laugh about it and I call him sexist - he says he will be careful what he says and laughs…he also says things like ‘now you are a woman who wears dresses’ it’s all a bit odd… he has told me a few personal things about when his daughter was unwell a while back. He also said it’s hard when things are s*** at home and s*** at work etc. I said maybe I can repay the favour one day by listening to his problems and he replied with a thumbs up.


we also had a works party a few months back , at which he literally Stayed well away to the point he almost blanked me whilst he was with his wife - this was really upsetting as we would always normally chat whilst at work . He is being professional , but he is also encouraging us to meet etc when he must realise I have feelings as I think some things I’ve messaged him it would be pretty obvious .


is he being completely appropriate and professional ? He certainly doesn’t have little powwows with other people of my grade in our place of work. He literally just meets me . Last time we met, he gave me a compliment amd I went bright red , he seems to find that funny. He said when someone compliments you , you either say thank you or disagree. I do feel he is getting some small kick out of this and it is really upsetting me now . I wish I knew if he actually is genuinely trying to be kind by helping me at work or if he feels something more. In our roles , there is no real need for us to ever meet at all. His previous role very high up the chain means he is very knowledgeable and has years of experience that I obviously benefit from now.

I found out my partner was portraying himself as single on a dating forum. He said he’d pretty much always done it though knew it was wrong. He never met these women. We tried to move on. Nearly a year later I found he had tried to ring sex lines, was just before Xmas so again tried to put it behind us. Now seen he has retweeted a pic of a woman’s clothed arse to get a dirty dm message on twitter! He say he didn’t do it that he must have caught the button. I know this is bullshit as you have to confirm to retweet. He puts how gorgeous woman look or invites them over to where we live???? He’s has promised me only a few week ago that he wouldn’t hurt me again. What I don’t understand is why. He venomously denies everything till we have ripped pieces out of each other then admits it!! I honestly am at my wits end. I’m ready to call it a day as I can’t cope with it all any more. People keep making the excuse that oh he’s a man, they are visual creatures, they all do it. It doesn’t make it right! I’m constantly unsure what he is up to, he is always on his phone and I mean always. He speaks to me like a whore sometimes and is snappy and what some would call controlling. Yet he sends beautiful texts to me . Tells me how amazing I am etc, but face to face he can be so different . Do I believe the ‘accidentally caught the retweet button’ ? My gut says not.

My wife for over 30 years has had an affair for18 months, admitted having sexual over 25 times - sent home made porn to him and messaged him every day even when I was seriously Sick in hospital, can this survive or is it too much

My wife cheated on me with someone who lives on the same street as me we have to kids together I don’t want to break u with my with but I kee seeing the guy who sleep
With my wife everyday do I have to move house

My partner confessed to me that she has had an affair. This is now in between us. It is difficult for me to trust her. She has not been honest with me for a long time.

But she says it is over now and that she wants to stay with me and our family. I find it hard to accept what has happened.

Let me just say, my story about my relationship still remains a mystery…however I do still want to find out what exactly happened. My partner cheated on me, we are at the stage where it still hurts. It happened in March 2021 however, from the pieces I do hear about when I do drag it out of him he gives me information on the situation. It’s like he doesn’t want me to know happened to between him and the girl fully. It’s weird. They knew each other from a gaming app. We all knew of each other, she was aware he had a partner but for some reason she was interested in him and I kept warning him about her. It was like he didn’t believe me. Months flew by and I was sleeping with my enemy reallly it feels…he was giving her the attention she should’ve been giving me. We were going through tough times during the beginning of the pandemic but i did all i could to make sure we were both good and did some what. But it hurt finding out he had intentions of fucking her, i saw their plans and it literally made me sick for weeks. Crazy thing I had a dream a week before about him cheating. Now that the damaged has happened to me I have been trying to accept what happened but how can I when I don’t know what really happened to between them. He said it was just sex but i feel it wasn’t. She let him knew back in December 2021 she liked him, three months later i found out him and and her are keeping in contact through discord. It’s months later and I With him but things haven’t been the same. I cant trust him like I use to. I want to move on with him but this just won’t shake me.

Hello,

I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex, who I broke up with 2 years ago. It was stupid and I regret it so much. We happened to be in the same bar and after the bar closed he offered to walk me home and I just wanted to talk about a few things that were left unanswered and I just wanted to hear his side of the break up. One thing led to another and here we are, in my bed. We always had crazy amazing sex, he was actually the one who taught me how to get pleasure from it and helped me to get to know my body.

Now the guilt is killing me, I constantly feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack. Anxiety is through the roof. But I know that I can never tell my boyfriend and stay in this relationship. He would never forgive me.
What makes it worse is that sex was unprotected and I'm scared that I could have got something from the ex. If I did, my boyfriend will know for a fact and it would destroy us 100%.

What do I do? How do I deal with the guilt?

Because right now it feels like this feeling is going to destroy me from the inside.

Last January I found out that my wife of 35 years had been sexting a former colleague. I accidentally found out when she got a text and I went to take her phone to her. That’s when I saw the texts. They were extremely graphic. She told me it had been going on for about 3 months and wasn’t more than 3-4 racy texts. She said it was a game they had started to play to shock one another and got out of hand.

The guy she texted had worked with her years before and I knew even then, she had a little thing for him. My wife says nothing physical ever happened and she wouldn’t dare go that far. She said she is sorry and she loves me.

This has rocked my world. We have three grown daughters and I thought everything was great. I give her attention, take care of her needs before mine, take care of the house, bills, etc.
I enjoy providing a good life for her.

She says it was a weak moment and something exciting to get away from her boredom at work.

She has deleted his contact in her phone and called him after I found out to tell him they can no longer be in contact with one another.

I nearly left in April because I couldn’t handle not knowing if they had been physical or not. She almost had to go to the hospital she was so upset about me possibly leaving.

I still feel used and cheated on. I guess I will always be insecure now and be suspicious.

I can’t seem to shake this. What should I do?
I don’t want to divorce, we have a good life. But the doubt that creeps in my mind is like a cancer.
The only way she would be able to communicate with him now is via their work email , as they work for the same company. Although I would think if they tried that, the company IT could bust taken and they would be fired.
We are both 59 and have been together 41 years. We were high school sweethearts and got married after graduating college.

I would appreciate your thoughts and input. Good , bad or ugly. Thanks!’

After my marriage, many woman tried to hit on me, I stayed loyal, caring and loving towards my wife alone, more than that I never felt any feelings to other women but my wife only, I expected my wife will do the same.
I was so wrong. now I ended up in consulting a psychiatrist.
If anyone words of comforting is accepted. I could really use some of those right now. Thank you.

My wife of 12 years, had an affair with her boss which lasted 8 months, in 2018. We're still trying to repair our marriage 3 years later. Is there any hope when she has refused counselling that I arranged, still cites how bad a partner I was, as a reason for her cheating, has hidden mobile phone accounts from me etc. Most recently (a few weeks ago) was invited to a party that her AP was attending and refused to speak to the guy who was arranging it, to tell him that it was not appropriate for him to invite them both to the party. I requested that she speak to him but she flatly refused, saying it was ridiculous. The guy arranging the party was aware of the affair.

17yrs ago my husband cheated on me whilst I was pregnant. I found out 5 years later. The marriage was perfect, we were intimate every night, completely in love, communicated, everyone said we were the perfect couple and how lucky he was to have a woman like me. He said he was sorry, that it was just a friendship (they worked together for 2 weeks before the affair started) and it was just a few kisses. Over time more came out, how he took her home twice, pulled over in a lay by, after losing his job still snook off to see her telling me he was working late, invited her to our home when I went back to work after mat leave. He turned violent and abusive towards me for 6yrs having my children watch him beat me, swearing he'd never hurt me again, never lie to me again. Since then he has lied about women in every job - 7 in total, behaving inappropriately with them, nothing sexual but each one resulted in violence towards me, abuse and him swearing nothing happened, he said he lied in case I accused him of having an affair - something I'd never done. Each issue I begged him to sit and talk to me openly and honestly which he promised he would do but never did. I still had no closure about his affair as he refuses to talk it through. Cheating, broken promises, lies, the deceit, denying me the truth etc has torn me apart. I love him but I can't keep living this way. I feel worthless and I just don't understand why he treats me this way. Why would a man who cheated on his wife make no effort to right his wrong, refuses to be honest about it all and talk to me about it. Why would he continue to lie about other women after swearing he'd never lie to me again yet continue to. Why fill my head with promises to build my hopes up only to let me down.

Just over 8 weeks ago I found out that my girlfriend of 20 years was cheating on me with someone close to our family unit. The affair was ongoing right up until the night of discovery.

On the night of discovery I asked 3 times if there was someone else and each time I was promised there wasn’t, until I asked her to swear on my life and the she admitted she had been seeing our sons, friends dad. She told me how she would see him for a couple of hours each night for the past 7 weeks. She also took some time out of her working day to go to his house to sleep with him. (she swears that she only slept with him once, but I don’t see why that would be the case)

She said if I wanted her to she would text him and tell him its over. I wanted her to tell him that he was a mistake and it was over, but she didn’t. Instead she sent something a lot softer by saying it went too far and we should cut all contact. He returned the text saying it didn’t go too far because they both wanted it. She then blocked his number on what’s app and removed the chatting apps she used such as snapchat etc. He did try calling her which she was honest about and admitted.

A few days later we had been trying to work through everything and she admitted she was confused and she loved him. She had told me that they had said they told each within the affair. How is that possible after 7 weeks seeing each other for a couple of hours a night even with the day time texting is it possible? But anyway…..

She now tells me that she doesn’t love him, she doesn’t have any feelings for him and she doesn’t want to be with him. But how can that possibly be the case as that’s not what she was saying 2 months ago. The worst part is that I always see him driving around our town and when my girlfriend goes to take our son out will she see him also dropping off his son?

I can’t seem to start to even try and move past the hurt the deceit. How do I move on and how do I move past it.

She now says she loves me and she only wants us and our children. She says she now sees it was a mistake and if she could turn back time she would. I don’t know if I can believe her… She knows she has messed up our family but how can someone just turn off their feelings. If that’s the case and she does still having feelings for him it would mean that she is lying to me every day.

I don’t know how to start to try and trust or even believe what she is telling me as maybe she is being honest and maybe she doesn’t have feelings for him, maybe she doesn’t want him and maybe she doesn’t miss him. But I doubt it

In 2012 I met a woman that I thought was very special from the start, there was an immediate click between us.

Normally I do not have that so often. I had been married happily for years and am father of two kids.
This woman was following our courses and very soon we really started to like each other.
We didn't want this, so we decided to stop all contact, she was also happily married and mother of two children.

The chemistry was so strong, that we got back in contact and one day we cheated.
Again we decided to stop all contact, but we couldn't resist so after almost a year we were again in contact.

In the mean time she divorced and I am in relationship therapy with my wife, that knew about all of it from the start. I told her from the beginning that I had feelings for somebody else and she understood. I also honestly told her I cheated.

We talked about divorce but she would like to keep the family together. This creates a lot of frustration, because there are hardly any feelings anymore and we live together without really being together.

Many times I tried to take a distance from the other woman, but mostly that works only for a little while. We are so fond of each other.

I am not the kind of person that immediately goes for divorce, don't want to hurt people, always wish the best for everybody and am always ready to support and am always honest, love my children and feel attached to family and friends.

Never expected this from myself and don't know how to deal with this.

Don't sleep so well, my work suffered immensely from it (I have my own business), don't dare to look at myself in the mirror anymore and inside my head it is one big chaos. Mainly feel like a bad person.

What should I do now, I don't know anymore.

Hey,


Two years ago i met my partner during my time coaching her son at my football team and things got flirty fairly quickly. This soon led to us starting a full fledged affair.
I was engaged and she was married, after a few months she fell pregnant and things took a turn. we continued the affair until i finally ended my relationship however i did do things i shouldn't have been doing (i cheated) but she is still living with her husband two years later.
She tells me he knows that im my sons father but refused to leave the house etc, She cant get a house due to not working and she has 4 other children.
I was not put on the birth certificate as apparently i cant if she is still married.. (i dont know how true this is)
during these two years we have had fallings out and we do fight, i have made things difficult and do silly shit. but this situation is highky stressfull, any little thing is enough to push me over the edge. I have been in hospital after attempting to take my own life a few times.

im just after peoples thoughts on what do i do?
do i walk away, try and make a relationship with my son i can only see if she is there or when he is home so she can leave the house.
I do truly love her, but i make silly decisions and cause friction, but this mental health is having a massive effect.
i live on my own, she lives with her husband and the 5 children. i dont want to force her to be homless, but in two years, she hasnt filed for divorce, havnt had a chance of a property big enough and i have lost the support of my family as they dint agree with her living arrangment, i feel totally isolated and alone.

have been married for 21years a lovely son and daughter. Was extremely happy in the past and never looked at anyone else. 18 months ago I found myself flirting with a man at work then found myself saying yes to a drink one Saturday lunchtime. At first I felt guilty as I made an excuse to my husband about where I was going, the date turned out well and before I knew it we kissed and had sex. I didn’t feel guilty I just knew I needed more. We arranged to see each other in a hotel next time and the sec was fantastic. I also discovered that he had finished with his partner and was now single which really attracted me. He told me he lived me and was texting every day wanting more but I couldn’t give it to him I had to be careful after his can you get to know someone when you can’t spend a great deal of time together. We also went into lockdown which made life difficult as he was not local. He waited for me for 18 months but I couldn’t give him what he wanted I felt cruel like I was holding him back. The amount of weekends I dreamt about seeing him instead spending time with my husband who I wasn’t getting on with purely because I was devoted to my AP. I cut emotional ties with my husband and we have not had sex for 2 years he knows something is wrong but I have not told him the truth. I needed time to process everything and was not going to give up on my family and my lovely home. I often thought that if the AP was off the scene I would start to live my husband again. Without any warning my AP ran out of patience and wanted to take a break I stayed to not get those living messages they got less and less and I suddenly found myself heartbroken. I have discovered since he had been out on a date on Facebook and it has cut me to the core, in someways I don’t blame him I didn’t give him what he wanted but I sometime think I went through 18 months of being disturbed and feeling guilty and wondering what my next lie would be so that I could see him and in someways I z as m relieved that I don’t have to do that anymore. I have had closure from him as we did fall out and he had now said he is glad to be shot of me which hurts but I just cannot get him out of my head. I have been waking up at 3.30 then I lie there and cannot stop thinking of it my heart sinks to the out of my stomach. I know it’s over but why do I feel so bad, why should I want someone that doesn’t want me anymore. My feelings for my husband are not there and the thoughts of sex with him throws me off before all this my life was good. Please advise me what to do as I feel so disturbed by it.

After more then a year being heavily in love with another man I feel the need to write this down and get it off my chest. I am a 35 year old woman, married with two kids. My ex-husband was not very helpful, But my feelings for him are completely gone.

The relationship is not a relationship for me anymore, already since years but I had nothing to fall back on and because my feelings for my colleague there was completely no passion or excitement anymore. Evenmore.. I sometimes felt slightly aversed...

A year ago I fell hopelessly in love with another man. Because of my work I see him regularly. We had for a long time daily contact via whatsapp, with very exciting messages back and forth. Many times we decided to stop this, but every time again our (verbal) contact turns sexual again.

Eventually we felt each other a bit, but otherwise nothing happened. He also immediately expressed that it would not go any further then this. And I was convinced I wanted to continue with this man... I never told him, because he said he was happy in his marriage. I notice he does feel something for me, but he doesn't want to give up his marriage and is maybe not completely open and honest to me.

Recently I lied to my ex husband, because he sensed something was on and I told my ex and family that I never cheated, but I'm still completely in love with him. It's not just an infatuation, he has been in my head for over a year, 24 hours a day... It feels like he is the love of my life... it hurts...

Feel a strong longing to tell him honestly about it, so that he knows what I really feel for him. Although I also think he will tell me he cannot give that love to me. I know it is best to get him out of my head, but I don't manage.

And in the mean time I lied to my own family and I lost what I held dear. My ex husband still wants me back, but don't know what to do now should I be honest and tell my ex and family what has happened or should I persist in saying that nothing happened. Because when I tell the truth I will lose him and his family and friends and those are the only people who believed in me and are there for me.

What should I do, I hope somebody can give me answers, because I really made a mess of it.

My wife has always denied cheating but, for a start you tell me if this is correct... she went out on a Xmas doo with work, took a spare pair of tights (only come home with one and told me her mate had laddered hers, so gave her them) she had hairbrush in her bag n bobbles the pub shut at 12 she picked me up as I had been out at 2 o'clock she had a bath before she went out but as soon as we got home she jumped in shower n then in bed she wanted sex with me(we was trying for a baby at that time) tell me answer to what you think on this then I tell you next story.

Hi
wensday I was fixing my girlfriend phone and I found video of her her friend (girl) and two 10 years younger boys. They in her friend house just 2 girls and 2 boys lights are dimmed they seat on front of coffee table full of alcohol boys dance wery sexual on front of them with no t-shirts. She's keep saying that nothing happen and she fillm this to show on her watsap group of girls from her community. She also saying that those two "strippers" was drunk and she didn't drink. At this time I was in my house sick on covid really bad. I am devastated becouse I love her. We been togheter for 2.5 years.
I need someone to help me get my head straight

Found out my husband of 10 years has been having affairs with men. We have been together for 16 years and I had no idea he was bisexual.
He has been in a relationship with a man for 18 months plus messaging, sexting and meeting for sex with several other men that I know of.
I feel like the world is crashing down around me, I have known for 2 months but don't feel like it's getting any easier to get my head around.
I guess I don't know to walk away or to try to get through this.
Any advice?

I've been married for 25 years, I'm fat not good looking. I have very little self esteem and suffer with extreme pain every day. My wife on the other hand extremely good looking fit and takes care of herself at the gym each day. For a few years our marriage hasn't been good I think mainly due to my insecurities. We decided to buy a house in the Philippines to retire in as the heat helped so much with my pain. We made many friends well I have to say tbo my wife made lots of friends and I was friends by default even being made god father to one of her friends child. My wife always told me that there was many women that would try to temp western men and get husbands etc. I didn't take much notice
a. Because of how I was even I don't take interest in me let alone anyone else.
Ok this is the part I explain what happened and when the nightmare started.
Firstly I'm not asking for forgiveness and I fully expect to be stomped on. There is no excuse for what happened and I except that.
Ok I was out walking in the city when I came across my wife's friend and her child, she was loaded down with shopping and asked me if I could help take the shopping back to her house, I thought nothing of it, friend of the wife and me god father to her child etc so of course I said yes I didn't want to offend her. We got back to her house she said thank you and offered me a coffee which I excepted. Then when I was about to leave she pulled down my shorts and put my penis in her mouth. I didn't expect it but I was so weak instead of pushing her away and getting out of there I let it happen and of course it led to full intercourse. Although it was only like 15mins. It was done. I spent the next few hours wandering the streets knowing what happened and the guilt and shame I felt. Then the nightmare she contacted me asking for money...or I tell your wife. I love my wife very much, I know some will say if I did it wouldn't have happened. But I truly do. The requests for money got more frequent but I managed to avoid paying through many excuses this carried on for nearly 2years. When she didn't get a message from me she got angry and threatening at some points would ring 15 or more times over and over until I answered.
Every day I hid this from my wife scared of what would happen I didn't want to lose her. I even had to say things like I loved her and wanted to be with her. The only way to keep her from being angry. Well in the end my wife found out and saw naked pictures of the woman. She sent to me. Of course I destroyed her trust in me I lied about spending money because of how humiliating it was. And worst of all I had intercourse with another woman. I can't excuse what happened but I really don't want to lose my wife I really love her with all my heart. Something that has happened since all this came out our sex life has not stopped as you would imagine but the opposite it's gone way beyond it's ever been in 25yrs its passionate and very intimate and intense. Which is very confusing. What is happening. How can I try to fix this. Please help me I need to try to save my marriage

I found an empty durex packet in a bag of rubbish my hubby had cleared out of his car. I’d gone to the bin to put some out myself and saw he had wrapped it really tightly so I undone it and there was another bag tightly wrapped inside and it was inside of that. The car was going in for repair so this is why he cleared it out but he’s always clearing rubbish out of his car. I confronted him and eventually he confessed. The trouble is, he says it was 4/5 years ago and it happened twice with a work colleague. The durex pack has an expiration date if March this year so I don’t know if that’s true. I have lost all trust. We have been together 21 years and have 2 children. I don’t work and would struggle financially. I’m scared to go it alone and he says he is sorry and that he doesn’t want us to split up but I don’t think I can forgive him. I don’t know what to do? I don’t want to upset the children either and I’ve been through an unbelievable amount of upset and pain the past few years and it feels like he’s kicked me whilst I’m down. Any advice.?

Married for 14 years with 2 children 11 and 2 plus 1 on the way. Learned my husband has been cheating on me with a woman who he met thru facebook purely by accident when i accidentally opened a message on his phone while searching for an email from our employee. He said its been going on for 3 years on and off with the same woman because she works as a cruise ship cook and only goes back home 3 months in a year. So he only cheats on me on those 3 months she is back home. Everytime they would meet, he would pay her for her services. Right when i caught him, he genuinely seemed sorry and he would answer all of my questions. He said everything started when he had issue sustaining his erection frequently when we made love. He would often not finish. Accdg to him, he just wanted to experiment and find out if its because of lack of excitement in our marriage and sex life. In their earlier period of their relationship, he said everthing worked as if he was again in his 20's but then also eventually encountered similar problems later on their relationship went on that he needed to take a pill similar to viagra sometimes before meeting her. Despite similar issues with her, he still continued seeing her.

I dont know what to do. I want to work things through especially for our children and because despite what had happened, I still love him very much. Unfortunately I am terrified and worried that if I eventually forgive him, he would again go back to his old ways. He has a tendency to be unappreciative about the blessings and good fortune he receives in life and constantly complains about many things despite having a blessed life. I have been asking him so many times from the start of our marriage what trully makes him happy and what are his aspirations, but even now that he is 40 years old, could not answer that question. He seems happy but not trully happy and contented. He is easily bored and needs constant distraction or stimulation. Even if we are out on a date, he would not talk to me and would prefer to use his phone and read some ebook or go online because he said there is nothing else we can talk about because there is nothing else left to talk about having been married for a long time. I give him ideas and suggestions on things he can do especially for personal development but he seems lazy to do anything. He feels unaccomplished in life when it comes to his personal achievements but refuses to do anything about it and is unmotivated. Sometimes I feel like his mother and I have to constantly push him so he would keep on moving. I hate having to do that because i feel like i am nagging him and pointing out things he can improve on but if i just him be, he gets worse and becomes lazier and would just play video games all day. He is a good man despite his lack of motivation, which is why i choose to see the positive qualities he has instead of dwelling on the negative ones. However i also feel negelected and unvalued. In our 14 years of marriage, i could not even remember a time that he gave me a present for my birthday, anniversary or any other special occasions. I choose not to be hurt and compare with others all these years but now that this happened, i begin to think and realize how much i was neglected as a wife. I feel like i deserved so much more for having sacrificed and given so much of myself to my husband, children and business and despite that, i was still betrayed.

Should we stay together? How can i help him become happy? How can i help him become the man he hoped he could be? I'm afraid that if cannot find happiness and contentment, there is a big chance this would happen again. How can i forget what he has done? I feel betrayed, angry, disgusted, hurt and violated. Everyday little things becomes triggers and everything he has done suddenly comes rushing back. Its even hard for me to see him naked because I imagine him naked with the other woman. How can i move on and forget?

hey everyone, im new here i hope your all well and coping ok with lockdown. im not sure if this is something people will be able to help with but i just need to talk i hope thats ok.

So 4 weeks ago i found out my fiance has been on chat sites for swingers, gay men, emailed women and tried to meet them, he had private photos on the websites and had hundreds of conversations with men. When i saw this i packed his stuff up and threw him out to say im heartbroken is an understatement. We have been together for 4 years we have a fantastic relationship both emotionally and physically. We have a son together and i have two other sons with my ex husband and he has a daughter with his ex wife.

We had a long chat about everything and he said he met went to meet with 6 different people but only 3 turned up he didnt do anything physically but two of them tried with him but he couldnt you know so stopped. This i still cant get my head round but he had something really bad happen to him when he was younger and he said he was doing it to find out if he was gay or if what happened to him was his fault. I then felt like ok that might have been the case lets try and work on it all together he moved back in and hes waiting for counselling now.

Things have been going well but i theres one account i couldnt get into and it always plays on my mind. Anyway last week i just still felt like something was up ive just got a niggling feeling like i had when i first caught him so i started to look deeper and found singles sites for women and lots of other things so i questioned him on it bearing in mind 4 weeks ago i asked him for all cards on the table. He said he couldnt remember these sites after lots of pushing he then admitted to me that he is addicted to chat rooms and has told me he never met any of them. I love him so much and this time im just finding it so hard to get over it all. Hes lied to me for 4 years and even though hes sorry i just cant stop seeing all this stuff in my head. i dont know how to get past it all has anyone else ever been through this.

so sorry for such a long
post x

I found out that my boyfriend dated another woman for a year. No sex, but app everyday, send pictures.

To him it doesn't mean so much, just some tension and distraction. But for me it's really hard. To me it is not normal that you have contact with another woman everyday.

Soo my bf and i broke up after being together about 5 years. I found another guy, who i started dating. I cheated him and decided to broke up with my bf. I enjoyed being singel and my time with the guy i cheated with, because i liked there were no obligations. For a while it was fun, but i was having a hard time forgetting my first bf, because i really loved him. So we ended up together, and we still are and love him with all of my heart.
But the guy i cheated with was always my minds. I couldn't get over him. And it turns out, he couldn't too. After a while he texted me and asked to meet. At first i didn't told no, but his talking and flirting skills got me, and we ended up bed. After that I though thats never gonna happen again, but it did. He was in the relationship at the time too. After many girlfriends he ended up me again and again. But my relationship with my bf was going great too. So i cheated my bf with him all over again. And im still doing it, after 4 years. What should i do? I can't choose between them.

I recently found out that my husband is having an affair on and off for a year. It was a work colleague whom I have met before.

We are not intimate regularly as I found out I was going through menopause and was also struggling to take care of my 6yo and the house without any help from him or family members.

My husband has depression and was sexually abused by his sister when he was 12. He is seeing a psychologist for this after his breakdown in Feb which I felt was due to AP going back to her ex. Then she felt her ex and went on to have a full fledge relationship with him.

When I first found , he said he wanted to be with me and that he felt the feelings for the AP is not love but because he was lonely and vulnerable. He didn’t make a clean break from the affair partner (AP) then a week later he said he had no feelings for me. I learnt that it was because the affair partner (AP) was still in contact with him. I move out to my in laws for a week and he said he wanted to make things work.

AP then have him a bracelet which he forgot to take off when he came home. I told him how I was struggling these past 6 years and he went out with the car saying he wants to end his life. I had to call the Police to search for him.

Now he says he wants to be with me. I have approached separation twice but each time he said no and to focus on us and we will get through this. I know that they are still texting everyday and also friends on social media.

I’m very lost and confused to why does he still has to keep in touch with the AP while trying to work on us. Am tired of the mind games that the AP is playing with me and manipulating his thoughts.

I cheated after a hectic period of getting children, new job, moving... There was hardly any intimacy between me and my partner anymore. We run a business together. Love each other very much.

Now that it came out, my partner doesn't know if she wants to continue with me and I feel terribly guilty and horrible....

Anybody recognizes this?

Hello,

My partner is much less interested in sex, kissing.. exciting messages.. I need this... the attention...

I am 40, in the light of my life and I notice I like attention, I am decent, but I don't know for how long, try to prevent the dragging routine to happen. But it has to come from two sides, often hear I look good, miss the excitement.

Lust... what should I do???

My girlfriend (almost 6 years) recently told me that she cheated on me many times. It hurts immensely, but still we/I want to continue.

But about the cheating we didn't really talk so much, only briefly but nothing clear... (she is also admitted in a psychiatric institution because she things so bad about herself) despite that we talk about many things and say we want to work on our relationship, it seems like she escaping the hard part... saving the relation through sharing.

I don't find words so easy and because of that I am often judged for what I say, at least that's how it feels. So I am ready to fight for this relationship, and I suggested relationship therapy, to me feels like that's being postponed. Saying that she wants to work on the relation, but not doing anything from her side.

Today I made the step to contact a relationship therapist. I feel extremely desperate and don't know what to do now.... I definitely want to, but I don't know how anymore. I cannot stop thoughts and feelings.

What to do?

My current boyfriend was cheated upon by his first lover. He was 19 when he found out. Now he is 37. I see in him and in our relation that this experience still effects him. It's not that he is jealous or anything. He gets angry very fast when it comes to lying or cheating.

He himself is very loyal and honest. That seems like a good thing. And it is. But sometimes I doubt weather the loyalty he has to his friends and family is maybe unusually big, for his own good. And that loyalty is sometimes standing between us.

Besides that, I notice that he is afraid that our relationship might end. While I don't understand why, because we're doing very well.

I really think it is because of this experience in the past. I wonder if people recognize this.

Had a stomach reduction. Because of it I got more attention from other men. That's what ended the relationship with my current boyfriend. Don't like it. What to do about it?

I was together with my ex-boyfriend for 2,5 years, and all that time he cheated on me. It turned out that when we met, he had already been in a relationship for 4 years. He made me belief that it was his ex-girlfriend that could not let him go.

It sounds so weird. Almost like a soap series. That I did not notice that. And still. I didn't know any better I think because that's how it was from the start. You understand? It's not that he suddenly had a different behavior. He was just always like that.

In the end it all came out when he started to date a third woman. My friends call him a psychopath. And to be honest, that helps. It helps me to see it was him, I don't have to doubt myself.

Still I did not go into any relationship for 5 years after this. I think that was good for me. Only after two psychologists (cognitive and EMDR) that I dared to bind myself again.

It is still in the back of my mind. I know it can happen. That changes my relation. I know; at some point it can go wrong between us.

Last year my husband told me he had fallen in love with a colleague. That scared the shit out of me and I didn't understand it at all. We never had fight, did we? My whole life was about to fall apart, was this the man that I loved?

I thought I knew him, my husband would never do such a thing and then even if... I would immediately sense it when there was something wrong, right? It made me feel so insecure that I decided to seek help.

After a couple of individual sessions, we went to relationship therapy together. My husband wanted to know how this could have happened. It was a lot of effort (mainly talking a lot, fighting, blaming, making up and listening to each other to start to understand each other) but we did start the new year together.

He wants to stay with me and I notice that my feeling of trust is slowly growing again. Especially after a good conversation in which I feel that he really listens to me and my pain and understands my feelings of loneliness.

It also hurts him and this I also see and feel. It's strange, but that is what makes the distance between us fade away, what makes me feel closer to him again. It will be fine between us. Without support we would not have made it.

GEARHEAD ENGINEERS WILL HELP TO SPY ON CHEATING HUSBAND

I have been married for 7 years and we were happy together until a year ago when my husband started acting distant. He got so occupied with work that he would come home past midnight then off to work early in the morning. What bothered me the most was how he was overprotective with his phone. I got tired of feeling uneasy and during the process. I read an article on how women spy on their partners so I started searching for spywares and hackers. I saw a lot of positive reviews about GearHead Engineers Org and so I went to their website (gearheadengineers for org) and gave them my husbands details. I was more than shocked when GearHead sent me all the details I wanted including old messages and call logs. The thing which I feared the most was true. My partner had been cheating on me. My intuition had been right all along, and I was not losing my mind. Weirdly, it was a relief to finally know that I had been right.

Your storyFirst of all, if you’ve been cheated on, it can be easy to look back at the relationship and start to doubt your past actions or get down on yourself. It is even worse when you base your worries on speculations because it makes you question your sanity. What if you can’t go through your partner’s phone to confirm your fears? The best option is getting a hacker like CyberPunk Programmers they will help you gather all the evidence you need. Mail them at cyberpunk @ programmer . net. If you do find that your partner cheated on you, no matter what’s happened, it’s never your fault. People do hurtful things for a whole bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with you. And you’re not responsible for another person’s decisions and actions.

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My husband feels his way to smart by deleting all his WhatsApp MESSAGES, text messages, iMessages and many more but with the help of hackerspytech @gmail com I proofed my husband wrong because With this hacker I got all deleted messages my husband has been deleting since 6 months back till date I got the chance to read all that he has been hiding from me, all thanks to you

My husband feels his way to smart by deleting all his WhatsApp MESSAGES, text messages, iMessages and many more but with the help of hackerspytech @gmail com I proofed my husband wrong because With this hacker I got all deleted messages my husband has been deleting since 6 months back till date I got the chance to read all that he has been hiding from me, all thanks to you

Your storyI never knew a post could be of such help to anyone until I saw a post about a professional hacker called hack4techspy, which is why I'm posting this with the hope that I might help someone through this. Well i contacted him through his email hack4techspy @ gmail com in good faith that he was going to help me out by hacking into my husband’s phone and email and he didn’t even disappoint me for a second,rather he provided me with full access to both his email and phone allowing me to see everything for myself, how a cheat of an husband the man i loved was. I would forever be indebted to him and I really appreciate him for a job well done. I already made him my personal hacker and I advise that you do the same

Your storyI never knew a post could be of such help to anyone until I saw a post about a professional hacker called hack4techspy, which is why I'm posting this with the hope that I might help someone through this. Well i contacted him through his email hack4techspy @ gmail com in good faith that he was going to help me out by hacking into my husband’s phone and email and he didn’t even disappoint me for a second,rather he provided me with full access to both his email and phone allowing me to see everything for myself, how a cheat of an husband the man i loved was. I would forever be indebted to him and I really appreciate him for a job well done. I already made him my personal hacker and I advise that you do the same

Your storyI never knew a post could be of such help to anyone until I saw a post about a professional hacker called hack4techspy, which is why I'm posting this with the hope that I might help someone through this. Well i contacted him through his email hack4techspy @ gmail com in good faith that he was going to help me out by hacking into my husband’s phone and email and he didn’t even disappoint me for a second,rather he provided me with full access to both his email and phone allowing me to see everything for myself, how a cheat of an husband the man i loved was. I would forever be indebted to him and I really appreciate him for a job well done. I already made him my personal hacker and I advise that you do the same

Hello guys
I want to thank hack4techspy @gmail com
For helping me remove negative stories that was posted about me online, I had a friend who wanted to tarnish my image by posting all sorts of rumors about me out of jealousy. hack4techspy (AT) gm ail c Om took all the links and photos down and I also got access to his phone without any notification and deleted all contents. I am grateful

Hello guys
I want to thank hack4techspy @gmail com
For helping me remove negative stories that was posted about me online, I had a friend who wanted to tarnish my image by posting all sorts of rumors about me out of jealousy. hack4techspy (AT) gm ail c Om took all the links and photos down and I also got access to his phone without any notification and deleted all contents. I am grateful

Hello guys
I want to thank hack4techspy @gmail com
For helping me remove negative stories that was posted about me online, I had a friend who wanted to tarnish my image by posting all sorts of rumors about me out of jealousy. hack4techspy (AT) gm ail c Om took all the links and photos down and I also got access to his phone without any notification and deleted all contents. I am grateful

Hello guys
I want to thank hack4techspy @gmail com
For helping me remove negative stories that was posted about me online, I had a friend who wanted to tarnish my image by posting all sorts of rumors about me out of jealousy. hack4techspy (AT) gm ail c Om took all the links and photos down and I also got access to his phone without any notification and deleted all contents. I am grateful