Nothing about this is okay

I found out my boyfriend of a year, met with someone for coffee twice 8 months into the relationship. Nothing further happened than just meeting up (confirmed). he never saw anyone else after that (From what he said), but he still casually use dating apps, messaging other women ( from the conversations I read and how he described it, the convos were surface level, usually ended after the hey how are you)

nothing about this is okay, and it hurt deeply. I am just sad and upset.
there is no excuse and he hasn’t tried to give me one, all he’s been saying is that he’s sorry, and was confused at the time (for the two dates) but after realized that thats not what he wants etc etc and never saw anyone again, was a coward to not tell me and wanted to just move on from it and never bring it up again.

as for the dating apps.. after days and days of talking this is the gist on what happened; he’s never been very confident with himself, and never was the “cool guy with the girls” and before me he’s never been in a relationship and wasn’t some guy who goes out and hits on girls. So before the relationship he would just scroll through dating apps just to see like who would he match with and just give one liners but “none would go further than that”, this was before the relationship. when we were together, he said he would download once in a while do the same thing when he was bored. so my interpretation is the same way people use social media like instagram feeling good about yourself with the likes and the comments come in, people DMing complimenting you.. it’s the same thing.. except that is dating apps.. but thats what hurts about it too, that he knew he was entertaining the idea of someone else.. can’t even lie and say is just a friendly conversation.. you’re in a dating app.. she’s not trying to be your friend.

So obviously that’s no excuse, I’m pretty sure everyone who is unfaithful is insecure for whatever reason.

He’s not an evil guy. Though alot of the relationship has been tainted. we have gone through so much, I can easily say that 8 months into the relationship.. we weren’t doing the best.. but we’ve gone through alot.. and he has shown me multiple times that he wants to work through our issues.

so even now, since all this started he just wants to work things out. wants to “regain my trust”, work on never hurting me again.. because he’s so ashamed of hurting me..

and I am someone who believes in second chances.. I am willing to try and work things out.. AFTER he shows me he’s willing to work for it, on himself and puts in the effort.

The things is.. I don’t know what i’m suppose to be looking for.. we aren’t together.. so what am I suppose to be looking for? I say effort.. but what does that mean.. and I know thats something I need to figure out for myself because it’s different for everyone but I still need some kind of example or something to guide me