My wife started a new relationship
I am a 46 year old man, married for 2,5 years and father of 3 kids. We are a patchwork family and are together for 9 years now. Our eldest son is not my biological son, but I raised him as such.
Now my wife decided to end the relationship. She told me she had doubts for a long time already and now she fell in love with a younger man.
I understand that she got feelings for another man... something that happens to many couples after a while. And the daily affairs with three kids strengthens the feeling that something is missing in your life.
But I don't understand why she gives up our family without talking with ME about OUR relationship... Despite the fact that she started already another relationship with someone else, I still want to do everything I can to win her back... I just don't know how to do that...
I already proposed to go to a relationship counsellor, but she doesn't see the point in that. I think she is so much in seventh heaven with her new lover that she is afraid to come back to the reality....
I really don't know what to do now... I don't want to give up on her, am still in love with her, I want to work on my mistakes and our relationship, but does that make sense when she continues (with winkers on)...
So she is in love with somebody else and doesn't want to go to a relationship therapist with you.
If she doesn't want to choose for you and your family, then it is not an easy case for you.
She is a grown up woman and can make her own decisions, also when they do not make any sense to you, or even if it seems she has winkers on, and even when her decisions or painful for you.
It is good though that you express what you feel and what you would like, but if she is not open to that, then there is nothing more you can do.
She might be open for therapy if the goal would be different.
In stead of your goal "I want you back in our relationship" it could be "how can we deal with this situation in the best way possible for our kids and for our eldest son".
I can imagine that this is difficult for you, because you do not want to give up on her. But maybe this is the best way to leave the possibility open that she might at some point choose for a relationship with you.
To follow up on falling in love with someone new, is very different than having a family and a relationship.
Maybe this is something she needs to experience. And maybe she might find out that there are things about you and your family she is missing. Often some distance is needed to realize that. When you lose something you realize what it was worth.
But it can also be that it is over, she just doesn't want anymore.
In any case it might be a good idea for you to shift your attention from her to you. Go and do things you like, that make you feel good.
And who knows.... when you and her both feel the wish to be together again, that situation is more likely to arise when you feel good.
And if not, at least you are having a good time.
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