I just cant stop seeing all this stuff in my head

hey everyone, im new here i hope your all well and coping ok with lockdown. im not sure if this is something people will be able to help with but i just need to talk i hope thats ok.

So 4 weeks ago i found out my fiance has been on chat sites for swingers, gay men, emailed women and tried to meet them, he had private photos on the websites and had hundreds of conversations with men. When i saw this i packed his stuff up and threw him out to say im heartbroken is an understatement. We have been together for 4 years we have a fantastic relationship both emotionally and physically. We have a son together and i have two other sons with my ex husband and he has a daughter with his ex wife.

We had a long chat about everything and he said he met went to meet with 6 different people but only 3 turned up he didnt do anything physically but two of them tried with him but he couldnt you know so stopped. This i still cant get my head round but he had something really bad happen to him when he was younger and he said he was doing it to find out if he was gay or if what happened to him was his fault. I then felt like ok that might have been the case lets try and work on it all together he moved back in and hes waiting for counselling now.

Things have been going well but i theres one account i couldnt get into and it always plays on my mind. Anyway last week i just still felt like something was up ive just got a niggling feeling like i had when i first caught him so i started to look deeper and found singles sites for women and lots of other things so i questioned him on it bearing in mind 4 weeks ago i asked him for all cards on the table. He said he couldnt remember these sites after lots of pushing he then admitted to me that he is addicted to chat rooms and has told me he never met any of them. I love him so much and this time im just finding it so hard to get over it all. Hes lied to me for 4 years and even though hes sorry i just cant stop seeing all this stuff in my head. i dont know how to get past it all has anyone else ever been through this.

so sorry for such a long
post x