I am devastated

Due to a sheer fluke I discovered that my husband was speaking to someone about getting girls to come and party with him during his next business trip. I confronted him, and while he tried to explain it away a couple of times, in the end it just kind of became apparent that he wanted to go and have 'some fun.'

During a very emotional and tearful conversation I saw how regretful he was. He kept saying that me and the kids mean everything to him, but he doesn't know why he did what he did. He kept pointing out that he hadn't actually cheated. I told him, true, but you showed intent and that he needed to figure out why he did what he did so that we can establish what wrong.

I am devastated. He is the love of my life. The father of our two wonderful children. I moved halfway across the world for him, gave up a full-time career that I loved so that we could start a family. We've been together for 10 years.

My father was a serial cheater. I have grown up with seeing how heartbroken he made my mother, and then eventually his kids when we figured out what was going on. I always told myself that the minute I event felt a hint of that kind of behavior I would cut my losses. Avoid heartache and disappointed, and figure out a way to healthily co-parent any children I may have.

Of all the things that I was concerned about, him straying was not even on the list. Not this man. Not the man that I respected and admired above anyone else in the world.

But here I find myself. And I don't know what to do. He says he's never done this before. He says he doesn't know why he did it and that he feels terrible. He says me and the kids are the most important thing in his life. But how can i trust him? Is this really the first time? Is it the last time? Is this a repeat of what my mother went through?

A lot of the stories posed here talk about reconciliation. And I am so happy to hear that many of you have found a way to work through it. But it is so, so hard to have any clarity at this stage.

I guess I'm looking for advice. Some sympathy, and a forum where I can be honest.

Thank you.