He said its been going on for 3 years on and off

Married for 14 years with 2 children 11 and 2 plus 1 on the way. Learned my husband has been cheating on me with a woman who he met thru facebook purely by accident when i accidentally opened a message on his phone while searching for an email from our employee. He said its been going on for 3 years on and off with the same woman because she works as a cruise ship cook and only goes back home 3 months in a year. So he only cheats on me on those 3 months she is back home. Everytime they would meet, he would pay her for her services. Right when i caught him, he genuinely seemed sorry and he would answer all of my questions. He said everything started when he had issue sustaining his erection frequently when we made love. He would often not finish. Accdg to him, he just wanted to experiment and find out if its because of lack of excitement in our marriage and sex life. In their earlier period of their relationship, he said everthing worked as if he was again in his 20's but then also eventually encountered similar problems later on their relationship went on that he needed to take a pill similar to viagra sometimes before meeting her. Despite similar issues with her, he still continued seeing her.

I dont know what to do. I want to work things through especially for our children and because despite what had happened, I still love him very much. Unfortunately I am terrified and worried that if I eventually forgive him, he would again go back to his old ways. He has a tendency to be unappreciative about the blessings and good fortune he receives in life and constantly complains about many things despite having a blessed life. I have been asking him so many times from the start of our marriage what trully makes him happy and what are his aspirations, but even now that he is 40 years old, could not answer that question. He seems happy but not trully happy and contented. He is easily bored and needs constant distraction or stimulation. Even if we are out on a date, he would not talk to me and would prefer to use his phone and read some ebook or go online because he said there is nothing else we can talk about because there is nothing else left to talk about having been married for a long time. I give him ideas and suggestions on things he can do especially for personal development but he seems lazy to do anything. He feels unaccomplished in life when it comes to his personal achievements but refuses to do anything about it and is unmotivated. Sometimes I feel like his mother and I have to constantly push him so he would keep on moving. I hate having to do that because i feel like i am nagging him and pointing out things he can improve on but if i just him be, he gets worse and becomes lazier and would just play video games all day. He is a good man despite his lack of motivation, which is why i choose to see the positive qualities he has instead of dwelling on the negative ones. However i also feel negelected and unvalued. In our 14 years of marriage, i could not even remember a time that he gave me a present for my birthday, anniversary or any other special occasions. I choose not to be hurt and compare with others all these years but now that this happened, i begin to think and realize how much i was neglected as a wife. I feel like i deserved so much more for having sacrificed and given so much of myself to my husband, children and business and despite that, i was still betrayed.

Should we stay together? How can i help him become happy? How can i help him become the man he hoped he could be? I'm afraid that if cannot find happiness and contentment, there is a big chance this would happen again. How can i forget what he has done? I feel betrayed, angry, disgusted, hurt and violated. Everyday little things becomes triggers and everything he has done suddenly comes rushing back. Its even hard for me to see him naked because I imagine him naked with the other woman. How can i move on and forget?