Communication problems - Tips
Tips for coping with communication problems
Would you like some tips and advice how to deal with communication problems in your relationship?
This forum is a great place to:
- explore several tips.
- share the tips that work for you.
What's your tip how to deal with communication problems?
Overview of tips
Tip 1 - Agree to disagree
You do not have to agree with each other. You can agree on that together. This can help to reduce the tendency to want to convince the other.
You can also get to know each others opinions in a relaxed way. Accept that the other is different than you and that it is also fine when you have different opinions.
Tip 2 - Formulate your annoyance positive - turn it into a wish
What annoys you about your partner?
Now try and formulate your annoyance in a positive way and turn it into a wish.
For example, when you are annoyed that he is again behind the computer the whole evening. You can say that you would like to spend some quality time together with him.
Tip 3 - Create time for each other to communicate
Create time for each other to communicate
1) Communicate about the relationship problems
Set a time and place to talk about the problems you encounter. Nowadays many couples hardly find the time anymore to really talk. So you have to create it!
When you don't manage to talk about a problem without raising your voice, it might be an idea to talk in a public area. This could make that you can behave a bit more sensible.
2) Communicate about other things
Also talk with each other about other things that keep you busy. What makes you feel happy, what about your passions, your plans.
You can also communicate non-verbally. Take a walk together in nature, do something you both like, relax together, hug each other...
Tip 4 - Set your boundaries
Do you tend to always say yes to requests from others, because you want to please, while actually you do not want to? Then it is good to practice saying no and make space for something you do want.
Learn to say "no". Saying no doesn't have to be hard. You can always ask for time to think about it when you feel overwhelmed by a request from a colleague/ friend/ family member/ acquaintance/ .....
You do not have to make up excuses when you say no. Many people tend to cover their 'no' with excuses, little lies, or falsehoods. Keep it open and simple. If you don't feel like it or don't have time for it, you can simply say that.
The "broken recordplayer method" is very convenient when you have said no, but the other one is insisting. The only thing you have to do in this method, is to repeat your 'no' and the motivation for it. Like a recordplayer that is broken and keeps repeating the same part. This way you do not get seduced to discussions or making excuses.
Set your limit when somebody crosses them. You are the only one that can feel where your limit is.
When you don't allow yourself to say 'no', this can give you a lot of stress and tension.
Tip 5 - Practice daily with empathy
Do you live together for years now without any real connection and do you dread the years to come? Without emotional connection everything becomes dull: pleasure, friendship, love, sex....
Without an emotional connection, life becomes boring, also in the bedroom. Give yourself and your partner the chance and start even today with the magical effect of empathy. You will notice it works.
Every day 15 min.:
1. Agree who will talk about something that touched him/her and who will listen, open, honest, without interruptions or interpretations.
2. When everything is said, you can ask some questions to help to understand better the essence of what the other was trying to express. Avoid critical remarks, improvements or your own opinion.
3. Reformulate what you have understood to be the essence. Ask if you understood it right, as long as is necessary to be able to response emphatically with something like "Oh honey, that must have been very painful/sad/disturbing for you!"
Then take the hand of the person who was sharing or give each other a hug. So it is not about a practical solution, but about the feeling recognition. Experiment daily, 15 min a day.
Tip 6 - Every positive action influences daily things
When your relationship is in a valley, every annoyance can bring you further down.
Fortunately, the other way around is also true. Every positive action influences immediately the daily things. Try it, and see for yourself that the spiral will go up.
Tip 7 - Write each other a letter
It can be a support to write a letter to each other with all the annoyances. And with every annoyance a concrete wish to create something different.
Read each others letters only after a week and write a letter back with your proposal for change.
Tip 8 - Examine your longing
Always falling back into the same way of speaking? Blaming back and forth? Make sure you are aware when you start to feel angry.
Then take a break, do that in a 'safe' way. Say for example: I notice I start to feel angry, I'd like to stop this conversation for now. I promise I will get back to it.
Don't make the other responsible for solving your anger. Examine for yourself what made you angry and what is actually your longing and what is the blame. Come back to the conversation and try and discuss your longing.
Tip 9 - Stay honestly curious
Whatever you do, stay honestly curious.
In any case to yourself. Do you notice that you start to feel angry with your partner, you feel pressured, is he or she annoying you? Then, stay honestly curious to your partner. When your partner is very angry with you, tries to tie you down or treats you unjust, ask yourself: "What good reason does my partner - who is in essence a very loving human being - have, to do what he/she does? What longing would my partner have?"
Besides all the virtues every human being has, I belief that this virtue of curiosity is a very important one for a healthy relationship. So I hope you enjoy practicing with it!
Tip 10 - Really listen to the other
Listen to the other
When someone is talking, many people are mainly busy thinking about what they are going to say themselves. They do not really listening to the other.
Try to have your attention with the one you listen to.
Tip 11 - Set yourselves free from technology for a while.
Go for a walk without communication devices, or go swimming at the beach with your phones tucked in the trunk of your car.
Smartphones / tablets tend to be major distractions in times when you could be enjoying each other’s company. Oftentimes you spend more time with your devices, rather than actually talking to each other.
Tip 12 - Date night - without sex
Date night doesn’t have to be at night. It could be a breakfast or lunchtime date. A walk in the park or a coffee. The most important part is that you make a weekly regular time if at all possible. If sex happens later on thats great but it should never be an expected outcome or even a goal. The goal is simply to connect with each other, share and have fun. It is a not a time to talk about the unpaid bills or other aggravating things. Of course you need to set times about these things too but not on Date Night!
Tip 13 - Find a relationship counsellor
Are your experiencing communication problems in your relationship and could you use some support?
A relationship counsellor can help you.
Tip 15 - Make phone free hours
People that are often occupied with their smartphone, often have a less satisfying relationship then people who don't.
Recent research has shown that the feeling of a good connection immediately disappears when the person you talk to is continuously looking at his phone.
To avoid this, you can for example make phone free hours. For example during dinner or after 10 o'clock in the evening. If you do that, really put it out of sight!
Tip 16 - Make a connection
The people that have the most possibilities to start a love affair, are often not the best partners, but the ones that make the most connections.
Tip 17 - Observations without labels or interpretations
Try to communicate your observations without labeling or interpreting them.
For example: if your boyfriend is late for your date: he is late.
Your interpretation may be that you don't mean a great deal to him or that something else was more important to him.
Rather than buying into your interpretation, you could simply say “I realize you were late for our date”. This is a factual observation without any evaluation.
Tip 18 - Having a structure helps you and your partner
Having a structure helps you and your partner to stay focused on one topic.
Develops Trust as the boundaries are resent within the structure
Brings safety as the structure helps develop responsive communication rather than reactive, as it helps to slow down the communication, enabling you and your partner to really listen to whats being said so each of you can mirror back
As you remain in communication you will remain in connection rather than become offensive/ defensive.
You and your partner can become conscious of communication. Taking responsibility for your part in the relationship, by intentionally making a decision to do something different that does not follow old patterns.
Imagine how your communication will change with the structure.
Tip 19 - ‘Constructive Criticism’ - Seriously??!!
Tip 20 - Are you emotionally mature?
Tip 21 - Do you know what the largest Sexual organ is?
Add your own tip
Search for a counsellor:
- Eccles on Sea
- Great Yarmouth
- Kings Langley
- St Albans
- Ellesmere Port
- St Helens
- ✓ United Kingdom
- ✓ (Online) Couples counselling
- ✓ Relationship counselling
Are you looking for online counselling because of the COVID-19 (corona) pandemic?
Relationship support is still available.
Several couples counsellors on this website offer online relationship counselling so that you can access the help you need, wherever you are.
Date night - without sex
Consider a Qualified Psychosexual Therapist
Having a structure helps you and your partner
We would both thoroughly recommend Mark as a therapist
Rob and Gareth | Bicester | Jan 15 2024:
We would highly recommend for LGBTQ+ couple
Grace and Adam | High Wycombe | Jan 14 2024:
Valerie really helped
Relationship Therapy Yeadon - Leeds
Feb 20 2024:
Relationship Counselling Totnes
Feb 17 2024:
Relationship Counselling Newton-le-Willows
| Disclaimer | Privacy | Login |