I am still so heartbroken

My ex- boyfriend and I were together for almost 10 years. We met online on a chatroom, not looking for relationships but looking for friends. There were a group of us who were all friends so we all decided to meet up in New York in 2013.

He (my ex) is from Barcelona and I'm from the UK. We had met in real life the previous year in London but as friends. We spoke every day on this chat room for years previous to even having met eachother. But when I met him in New York again along with everyone else I knew I liked him as more than just a friend, and this is when our relationship started. We did long distance for 3 years (long time I know) But were both young and didn't have financial means to move in with eachother. We were both in University. In 2016 as part of his degree, he was required to move to another country for a year (he was studying as an english translator) So we moved together in the UK.

We lived together for a year until his degree ended and then he wanted to return to Spain. He wanted me to go with him because he had just inherited a house from his grandmother who has passed away the year before. I wasn't sure how it would be to leave everything and go to live in a brand new country, with a different language... everything. But I went anyway because I loved him so much.
It was very challenging for me living in a foreign country, learning the langauge, the language barriers I faced and losing independance as i'd have to rely on him to help me with things.
It caused a lot of frustrations between us and we'd fight and argue. I wasn't 100% happy living in Spain, I was happy I was with him and I loved him so so much and we had been through so much to be together, but with the language barrier and me being an immigrant, I just didn't see that there were many options for me to spend the rest of my life there. I know I should have tried harder to learn the language more and intergrate into their way of life but I have a severe social phobia and anxiety.
This meant that for me, speaking to anyone in English was tough enough, but imagine having to speak to someone in a foreign lanaguage that it not your own, and then be worrying about if you said something right, are they going to understand what I said and then the moments when someone says something to you and you don't understand or you just can't find the words to say what you want to say.

I felt so isolated and depressed and extremely anxious. I didn't want to leave the house often on my own because of it and was generally unhappy. We talked about it and he didn't want to live in the UK, we also discussed our future and he didn't want kids and I did. But I stayed there for another 5 years, just because I loved him so much and wanted to be with him. But in the end I got older (i'm not 31) and I thought more and more about my future and realised that we don't have a future together where we are both happy and content.

So in December 2022, I decided I had to leave, I wouldn't have a happy life there and so I went. He begged me not to go, but still he didn't want to live in the UK for a long period of time (I don't blame him)

It's now March 2023 and I am still so heartbroken and i'm crying almost everyday. I don't have any close friends or family I can rely on, I am completely on my own and I wonder now if I made the right decision. I STILL love him so much and miss him terribly. I can't deal with the fact that I may never see him again- he is my best friend, not just my ex boyfriend.
I don't know if I should go back to Spain (if he'll take me back) and really really try to make a go of things and try to make a happy life, or stay here in the UK and try to rebuild my life. I am so much pain, I can't imagine a life without him in it. He has been in my life for 12 years or more. That's more than a 3rd of my life. I miss him terribly, I love him so so much still. I just don't see how I can ever get over this. I've even considered suicide. If anyone has any advice at all I'd love to hear it. I am so sad and lonely. He has also limited contact with me now as well as he says we both need to move on. He is right, but I just can't let go. </3 What should I do