Jealousy in relationship - Tips

Is your partner jealous?
Maybe you think it is easier to not say anything about a friendly date or work appointment with somebody, because it makes your partner jealous.

But if it would come out without you wanting it, that will create even more jealousy and suspicion then when you are honest. You can help your jealous partner by being honest, so that he/she can experience that he/she can trust you.

When you lie about where you are (to prevent unnecessary worries) you take away the chance for him/her to experience how it is to learn to trust, even when there is jealousy.

Your partners jealousy should not prevent you to engage in social activities.

See things in perspective and work on your self esteem

Nobody can be the smartest, funniest, brightest, most beautiful. Also you not. Don't expect that from yourself.

You may not be the smartest, funniest, brightest, most beautiful in the world, but you are unique and have plenty of qualities. You are definitely worth it.

When your partner is jealous, it is important that you just keep doing your things. As long as you know it's fine, you have to keep doing it, so that the other one gets the chance to learn to trust.

You can adapt yourself a bit as long as that's fine for you, but it's never a good idea to skip social activities because your partner cannot handle it.

Sometimes jealousy has to do with experiences from previous relations. Your current partners behavior or a situation might remind you of something that happened in the past that has hurt you. Your brain then wants to protect you for a repetition and rings the 'alarm bell': jealousy.

Is this the case for you? Make sure to heal old wounds, so that they do not influence your current relationship.

Are your suffering from jealousy in your relationship? Could you use some support?

A relationship counsellor can help you.

For many people it helps to write down and share their story with others. You can share your story on the jalousy-peer-support-forum on this website.

For men:
It is never a good idea to tell your wife about another beautiful woman. You can see beautiful women of course, but talk about that with your friends.

Even when you think that your partner should be your best friend and that you should be able to tell her everything. You can tell her, but don't expect that it will not have any consequences (on the long run, because she remembers everything ;-) )

When there is jealousy, it is important to be open to your partner about this. When you are the one feeling jealous, express it in the I-form. Say "I feel jealous now". Take responsibility for your feelings.

When you fight a lot about text messages, emails etc. it often happens that the other one wants to avoid the 'fuss' and starts to do things secretly of will hide it for you. That is of course only making it worse!

Express that the other should just keep on doing his or her own things.

When you know what you are jealous of, you know what your desire is.

What do you long for?

Jealousy or 'gut feeling'? Sometimes your partner may think you behave jealous while there is no reason to. It's an art to find out if that's true.

Are you the jealous type (insecure, jealous without a reason, turned out to be fine other times etc?) or do you have a good instinct and may there be fire where there is smoke?

Keep track off when you feel jealous; what happens exactly, and check several times if there is really nothing happening. When you see after three times that nothing has happened to cause your jealousy, then work on your insecurity and self esteem.

Jealousy is not always a bad thing. There is also a 'healthy' jealousy. It would be strange if it wouldn't worry you a little bit when your partner is talking to and laughing with another beautiful woman / man.

You love your partner and don't want to lose him/her so you are alert to possible threats. Sharing your jealousy can then even be touching and might give your partner a sweet recognition of your love.

The feeling of jealousy or any other feelings is not the problem, the real trouble starts when you start acting on that jealousy and let it consume you.  You can feel the feeling, but do not have to act on it.

So, the next time you feel jealous, try to accept the feelings and work on changing how you react. Take the time you need to calm down, and then act from a place of calm instead of from a place of emotional distress.