Relationship fights - Tips

When you often end up in a fight over small things, you could look at what you could do different or how you could think different to prevent it from happening again. Try to look mainly at your own part of the conflict.

Anger can come up just like that when you both fight for your right.

When it's getting too hot for you and you need some space, be clear about that. Secure your need for distance by expressing clearly that you need the distance now and you will come back to the subject. Also express when and how you will come back to it.

It is not always about being right, even though people mainly fight about that. It is better to accept that you both have a vision of a problem. From that acceptance it is often easier to find a solution.

When you often get in a fight, and you don't want that anymore, you can agree on the 'time-out' rule. When you feel the annoyance coming up, you notice voices are raising, tension is in the air.... take a 'time-out' and stop all contact for a while.

In that time you can both do what you need to do to calm down again and start all over. You can agree on a word together, and when one of you says that word, you both know that it is now time to disconnect for a while.

Between couples there are often always the same triggers running. For example, when he has a certain behavior, she always feels she's wrong, or when she has a certain behavior, he always gets angry, etc.

Find out what the usual triggers are. Probably you know them already :-) Talk about this when you are in a good and friendly space together. You can even make fun of it! With some distance, the same situation that in the heat of the moment feels so serious, can in a loving space look very different.

When you can both laugh about it, it will make it easier to relax or even laugh about it when it happens again!

Are your and your partner struggling with relationship fights? Could you use some support?

A relationship / couples counsellor can help.