Russell | Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist

Couples Therapy Wrangle - Boston

Welcome to Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy or EFCT for short!

This therapy is for couples (gay or straight/married or cohabiting) who find themselves experiencing conflict & distress & feelings of disconnection in their relationship. This evidence-based approach was developed by Dr Susan Johnson. It is considered to be the 'gold standard' of couple therapy & has good success rates; about 80% of couples who seek therapy are able to restore & rebuild secure & loving bonds and overcome relational difficulties.

 

 

Help for Couples experiencing conflict & distress

Are you caught in reactive emotions which lead you to criticize, yell at or blame your partner for the state of the relationship?  Or do you withdraw, avoid confrontation, close-down your feelings or avoid speaking with your partner?  If so, EFCT may be just the help the 'relationship' needs.  My intention here is to provide couples with enough information to make an informed choice about whether or not EFCT would be something they would like to try together.  I'll tell you a little bit about myself and how I work and will outline how the course of therapy unfolds so you know what to expect.

EFCT is an Attachment-based therapy

Attachment science has proven that human beings have an innate need for connection with others and  that secure emotional bonds with those we love is essential for our mental, emotional, physical and relational well-being and health. However, when a secure connection/emotional bond with a loved one is under threat or even lost, the human brain interprets this as a 'danger cue' and this creates an inner experience of physiological/psychological and emotional stress.

EFCT highlights that couples experiencing relational problems are frequently 'caught-in' negative communication/behavioural 'cycles' which hijack the relationship and cause significant harm if they are not resolved.

Insecurity within the couple relationship is one main condition for creating the 'perfect storm'.  There may be many reasons why someone feels insecure within their relationship and these reasons can be worked through in therapy.  However in EFCT we first pay attention to the negative cycle that has 'taken-over' the relationship.  Negative cycles will 'run' relationships.  If they are not dismantled or changed they can cause much harm and ruin the relationship for both partners.

In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy we have a saying that the 'cycle is the enemy' not one or both of the partners. This therapy is not about blaming anyone.  It is about exploring how couples get 'stuck' and how 'negative cycles' are constructed and maintained.  The first stage of this therapy is to 'name and then tame the negative cycle'.  This clears the space for the deeper emotional work which follows.

EFCT privileges working with emotion

The second stage of EFCT is more 'experientially' focused.  The therapist will work with each partner's emotions and access deeper emotion which is felt in the body, in the 'here and now of the therapy session. The reason we work so closely with emotion is because our emotions influence what we say, how we feel and what we do. Feeling and sharing our more vulnerable and often 'hidden' emotions are different from the emotions which 'drive' the negative cycle.  In EFCT we liken emotion as being the 'music' for the couples 'dance' (their cycle). If we change the 'music' we change the 'dance'.
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The third stage of EFCT is about 'consolidating' the work done in therapy.  This tends to be the shortest stage in this therapy but it is an important ending phase which reviews progress made, how to carry this forward once theapy has ended, and is a time for couples to celebrate changes made.

The overarching 'goal' of EFCT is for couples to establish a secure emotional attatchment-bond with each other and defeat the 'negative cycles' which have been driving partners apart.  When this is achieved couples discover they have a greater capacity to face and resolve problems together as they 'move' from disconnection to connection.

Next steps

If EFCT appeals to you and your partner, please don't hesitate to contact me via the send a message - button. Before you do, you might like to read a brief outline about the course of therapy.

• Session one is a conjoint session  The therapist will 'assess' the relationship and the nature and degree of the problems the couple are bringing to therapy and their hopes, goals and expectations.

• Sessions two and three are individual sessions.  These are offered to build a rapport and alliance with each partner.  Attachment histories are explored and each partner will be encouraged to share their version of what is creating disharmony within their relationship.  Risk assessments are completed if necessary.

• Session four onwards are conjoint sessions.  If partners request additional individual sessions their partner will also be offered individual sessions to maintain balance within the therapeutic relationship with each partner.

• Each couple and individual session is for 1 hour. Sessions can be on-line or in-person. 

• The average amount of EFCT sessions is between 8 and 20 sessions for most couples.

Contraindications for EFCT.  

• Ongoing abuse in the relationship
• Ongoing affair
• Active addiction

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Personal/professional information

• I am a white male, 52 years of age and live with my partner on the East coast of Lincolnshire.
• I am a qualified, accrediated and registered psychotherapist with the NCPS. 
• I have a MSc degree in person-centred experiential psychotherapy.
• I was a registered nurse for 20 years before training to become a therapist.
• I worked for the IAPT-NHS service as a counsellor for almost 4 years
• I am a Helper on training courses for therapy students learning EFCT.
• I enjoy reading, writing and walks in the countryside with my dog, Bertie.

If you would like to know more or book an appointment, please send me a message via the send a message - button.