Autonomy in relationship - Tips

Give each other space, keep your own life as well.

When you are in a relationship, this doesn't mean that you have to spend all your free time together. Don't become dependent on each other.

Keep you own life as well. Keep your hobbies. Meet your friends (also without your partner). This can give an extra impulse to your relationship.

And it is also good when your partner has his or her own hobbies and spends time with friends.

This way you can keep more autonomy in your relationship and you will both bring new energy in the relation.

Do you tend to always say yes to requests from others, because you want to please, while actually you do not want to? Then it is good to learn to say no and make space for something you do want to do.

So, learn to say "no". Saying no doesn't have to be hard. You can always ask for time to think about it when you feel overwhelmed by a request from a colleague/ friend/ family member/ acquaintance/ ...

You do not have to make up excuses when you say no. Many people tend to cover their 'no' with excuses, little lies, or falsehoods. Keep it open and simple. If you don't feel like it or don't have time for it, you can simply say that.

The "broken recordplayer method" is very convenient when you have said no, but the other one is insisting. The only thing you have to do in this method, is to repeat your 'no' and the motivation for it. Like a recordplayer that is broken and keeps repeating the same part. This way you do not get seduced to discussions or making excuses.

Set your boundaries when somebody crosses them. You are the only one that can feel where your boundary is.

When you don't allow yourself to say 'no', this can give you a lot of stress and tension.

Would you like more autonomy in your relationship and could you use some support?

A relationship counsellor can help you.

For many people it helps to write down and share their story with others. You can share your story on the autonomy-in-relationship-peer-support-forum on this website.

Maintaining your feeling body is something that is easiest together with your partner. Explore what your feel and discuss this with him or her without immediately going for solutions.

It's about the process of going looking at it together and discussing it, what comes out is secondary. When it turns out this is difficult for the two of you, it might be good to find a relationship therapist to support you.