Kate | Relationship Counsellor and Psychotherapist

Relationship Counselling Cranleigh

**Updated 7 April 2026**

Current availability: -

Tuesday 9.30am or Thursday 11am - online.

Face to face - currently full.

Please contact me if a weekly session time works for you.

'We are born in relationship and die in relationship.' Most of our challenges arise because we are in relationship with ourselves and others. We adapt to fit our family of origin and social systems and, depending on the skills we gain in those environments, our attachment style, coping strategies and defences are learnt. These patterns shape how we feel in relationships, i.e. joy, security, fear, abandonment or loneliness. All of this then plays out in how we live, e.g. avoidant, anxious or secure.

Chances are you feel that you are living life in a problematic way rather than in a fulfilled way. This is not your fault, as it is about conditioning. Sometimes, like a washing machine, we need to empty the load, take a look at what is not working, and put in a lighter load.

Couples / twos counselling and psychotherapy offers a way to do this. We look at what is happening for each of you now, what skills you are both utilising well, and what may need updating. Values can often be in conflict, as we tend to learn these in our families of origin and do not always re-evaluate them in adult relationships, e.g. being over-responsible, prioritising others over yourself, or believing that being emotional is a weakness. These adaptations may no longer serve you and can create conflict within you and within your relationship.

Couple counselling supports you both to begin appreciating one another for who you are today, moving towards an ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ position.

Couples and twos counselling is about two people — two needs, two desires, two perspectives. We explore the impact each of you has on the relationship you are creating together. Often, we are drawn to what is familiar, meaning you may share similar unmet needs (the want to be seen, heard, valued and not rejected), yet may express them in very different ways, e.g. one partner may be more anxious, the other more avoidant.

A simple way to understand this is through the ‘crocodile and tortoise’ dynamic. One may move towards (seeking connection, feeling isolated, reacting quickly), while the other withdraws (pulling away, needing space). Both are driven by the same underlying fear of rejection or abandonment, yet the behaviours can create distance, misunderstanding and pain.

In relationship therapy, we look at the patterns between you, including symptoms such as alcohol use, overworking, ongoing disappointment or feeling unfulfilled, to understand and address the root causes.

I firmly believe that what began as love can become love again when both people are willing to take responsibility for themselves, rather than blame the other. Blame often avoids pain and keeps you stuck. As part of the process, we recognise that healing comes through feeling and feeling allows healing.

If this resonates with you, and you are looking for a non-blaming, non-judgemental space to understand your relationship and create change together, then do get in contact (my available appointments are above).